


Knock, Knock

by HadenXCharm



Category: Bleach
Genre: AU where everyone keeps walking in on each other, Accidental Drug Use, Accidental Voyeurism, Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Awkwardness, Canon Related, Caught while masturbating, Confessions, Drugs, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fanservice, Firsts, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Funny, Gay, Gay Sex, Humor, Jealousy, Kissing, Lemon, Loss of Virginity, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Violence, Oral Sex, Romance, Sexual Tension, Smut, Virginity, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-14 11:00:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2189196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HadenXCharm/pseuds/HadenXCharm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say when one door closes, another one opens, but well... When opportunity comes to call, don't forget to knock first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying something new at the request of someone on this website! They noted to me that I'm always writing angsty stories, and that even the ones I try to write with humor end up taking a dark turn. That being said, I'm going to try to do a humorous story. I'll make it short enough that it won't have time to turn dark and angsty, okay? Enjoy it, because I'm likely going to go back to dark stories, as it's what I'm good at.
> 
> So this is written in the bleach universe, but lets just say it's an AU where people keep walking in on each other. I also included some Ren-Ichi lemon fanservice in the epilogue, along with sexy art.

 

__

_Knock, Knock. Who's there?_

* * *

Ikkaku was a straight-forward kind of guy.

When he drank, he did so to get drunk. When he wanted to start a fight, he tried to cut off your arm. When he swore, he did so for the sake of it. When he fucked up, he used violence as a solution; when violence didn't work, he simply assumed that he wasn't using enough. He shouted frequently, ate like a pig, and threw his dirty clothes on the floor, so it wasn't any surprise really, how stupidly he approached his first relationship, and that fact kept him from being the one to tell the story for years afterwards. Yumichika was better with story-telling anyways.

It had been a long week, and the sad part was that it was only half-way over. As was customary on hump-day, Ikkaku came home from work late in the day, almost past dinner time. He had done drills since dawn, training new recruits until his knuckles were bleeding. The cafeteria had been out of meat earlier, and to make matters worse, the men who were on cleaning duty for the bathrooms had been stumbling around like idiots, making Ikkaku suspect that it was  _that_  time of year again. That time of year when the drug dens had made their rounds through the Rukongai, finally making it to the districts closest to Seireitei.

Every single year there was always some poor idiot who hadn't been informed of this, and ended up drugged and robbed or something, or worse  _groped_  because of the idiots who bought the drugs and passed it around. Of course, Ikkaku and all his close friends had been around long enough not to leave their drinks unattended regardless of the time of year, so he never really worried about seeing Renji stumbling around half-dressed. He worried more about Kira, who had gotten 'got' so many times that he was overly-paranoid about his food all year long.

Ikkaku shrugged, spitting, before stepping into shunpo, jetting home and barging in unceremoniously. He had to piss before heading to get some dinner. Then he'd meditate, take a shower, put his sword away, and finally drink himself to sleep.

He threw his yukata on the floor, going into the bedroom and putting his zanpakutou on its special rack. He saw that Yumichika wasn't home yet; he was probably still doing paperwork at the office.

Yumichika had been acting weird lately… Well not  _noticeably_  weird, but Ikkaku was getting this weird feeling in his gut telling him he should pay more attention to what Yumichika was doing, but he didn't get  _why._ What the hell was so interesting about whatever Yumichika did with his free time, anyway? If Ikkaku had decided to spy on him or something, all he'd probably catch him doing would be doing his nails and prancing around doing that fucking sparkling nonsense. What the hell was he worried about?

Fuck his denial, he knew damn well what he was worried about.

Who  _cared_  if Yumichika was probably going to hook up with Hisagi Shuuhei any day now? Not  _him_ , certainly. Not Madarame Ikkaku, who was unattached and brutish, he who didn't give two shits about people's feelings or whoever his best friend decided to sleep with. Who gave a fuck if Yumichika wanted to be involved with that guy?

Shuuhei was a nice guy, anyways. He and Ikkaku had been friends for a long time, even if Shuuhei was too stuffy at times. Ikkaku shouldn't be worried about a thing. It wasn't like Hisagi would play Yumichika or something. He was a good kid;  _too_ good, almost. He was good-looking, smart, a good writer, etc. He was a law-abiding shinigami with a level head, and he was nice. The only downside was that he was kind of a chicken when it came to going all out in a fight or breaking the rules, not to mention his crappy guitar playing.

Ikkaku didn't kid himself. He had seen how they'd been looking at each other, and it made sense that Yumichika and Hisagi would get together. They'd been making eyes for ages, it was high time they got together. Ikkaku knew that. He knew that they'd be good together, that Yumichika and Hisagi would be happy together and have a smooth sailing relationship or a fling or an affair or whatever Yumichika would call it. Shuuhei would be good for Yumichika.

So… Why did it just  _ache?_

Something pissed him off about them being all over each other, and he didn't get why at all. He only got this feeling when he couldn't have beer and had to watch other people drink it. He couldn't pinpoint it, and his strategy had been to ignore it, because it wasn't his fucking business whether or not Yumichika was sleeping with the guy, or had intentions of doing so. Yumichika's conquests were  _none_  of his business, and Yumichika reminded him of that whenever he got a little too nosy. They'd had a deal that as long as Yumichika didn't bring them home or sleep with them at the house, Ikkaku had to stay out of it.

Still, it pissed Ikkaku off more for some reason, that it was Shuuhei Hisagi that Yumichika was fooling around with. It never bothered him when it was some faceless handsome loser that Yumichika didn't have a history with or feelings for, or some tough jock with a submissive streak. Somehow, Shuuhei Hisagi had an identity, or some sort of chance of tying Yumichika down. Yumichika's eyes sparkled when he looked at Hisagi, and Ikkaku could feel that this was more than physical attraction between the two of them. Hisagi could really steal Yumichika away. Who would clean his room if Yumichika moved out? Frick.

Ikkaku shrugged, thinking back on the drug lords; maybe Yumichika was planning on getting some of that stuff and doping Hisagi up so that his honorable-ness would fade enough for Yumichika to have his way with him, but knowing Yumichika, he would be way ahead of that, not even needing any of that stuff to wile the most frigid of men out of their clothes.

Hopefully the pretty boy would be back soon; he was starving, and didn't want to go to eat dinner yet without him. He needed to bitch about his day, which Yumichika often took the liberty of doing. Today, Ikkaku was in need of a good bitching. Today had _sucked_. He ached in places that had long since seen better days.

He sauntered over to the bathroom, noticing that the door was partially open, so he nudged it open, and then his eyes went wide. He just stood there staring at Yumichika, who was reading a magazine, still in his uniform, sitting on the toilet. How long had he been here? Oh… This, this was awkward.

Ikkaku coughed, averting his eyes, "Hey, uh-

Yumichika jumped and looked up with horror, immediately freaking out and throwing things at him. "Get out, Get out!" He hit Ikkaku in the face with a roll of toilet paper, and Ikkaku backed out, shutting the door quickly, face red.

"Geez, I'm  _sorry_ , you- Ugh," Ikkaku put his face in a hand, trying to get rid of the image of those silky legs, crossed over each other most enticingly. "The door was open, so I thought... It's  _your_  fault for not locking it!" he shouted, getting heated in his own defense.

" _No one was home!"_ Yumichika screeched.

"Sheesh, don't get yer' panties in a bunch," Ikkaku griped, only to get a faceful of underwear when Yumichika opened the door and hurled them at him.

"You can go piss in the sink for all I care, you graceless lout!"

"Fine, fine," Ikkaku grumbled, unhooking the underpants from his ear. They were purple and… oh, they smelled nice. These must've been what Yumichika had been planning on changing into after his shower.

"I was just wantin' ta' tell ya', they say the drug lords are makin' their rounds again, so be careful who ya' eat next to."

"Or what?" Yumichika asked snidely, and rhetorically, the little brat. Ikkaku heard the toilet flush, and the rustle of clothes as Yumichika changed into his bedtime yukata… Was he going to spend the rest of the evening without his underwear on? Ikkaku got a pleasurable jolt in his groin that freaked him out a little. Yikes, he didn't like Yumichika like that! He couldn't have Yumichika thinking he was rooming with a pervert. Thoughts like that about his best friend? Shoo, get out of here! They weren't welcome at all!

"Or, ya' know, yull' get drugged and dragged into an alley or somethin'," Ikkaku said with little censorship, refraining from saying that Yumichika couldn't take care of himself, because that wasn't true, of course. Yumichika could kick major ass, and was as serious as Rangiku was about people who tried to take advantage of them or get a little too handsy without permission.

"What," Yumichika said with a scoff, kicking the door open while he combed his hair in front of the mirror, taking his feathers off carefully. Then he started washing his face with a washcloth, legs sliding over each other innocently enough, but the motion looked sensuous to Ikkaku.

Ikkaku then found that he couldn't stop staring at them, wondering how soft they would feel if he tried to touch them. Yumichika didn't shave very often as far as he knew, because his hair was so baby-fine. Ikkaku could see hair there on his legs, but it was fine and sparse, looking very soft. His skin seemed to glow against the near-sheer fabric of Yumichika sleeping-yukata.

He blinked, noticing that he had gotten hard as he listened to the rest of Yumichika's snarky comeback. _'Did I zone out for a second there? Oh right, listen to the little bitchy snobby brat, he's talking.'_

Ikkaku couldn't help but smile; he complained a lot about the way Yumichika never shut up, but truth be told, he loved to hear Yumichika talk, even if it was pointless shit. The dumb fuck. The only thing that bothered him was that Yumichika's beauty was getting to him again, making him  _feel_  stuff that he wasn't supposed to. What if he started sleep-talking again and said something inappropriate? That would  _not_  be good.

"What, are you afraid of me getting knocked up? How sweet."

"Shut up," Ikkaku growled, leaning in the frame of the door awkwardly as he waited for Yumichika to get done fooling around in front of the sink. He knew damn well that he could make it to the public bathroom quicker than Yumichika was going to be done, but something kept him here.

"Ya' remember when that happened ta' Kira, when Ichimaru didn't warn him about it? Just be fuckin' careful, there's shit goin' around, and our divisions fulla' thugs, let's face it."

"They know better than to make a direct move on their superior, lest I cut their dicks off," Yumichika said oh-so-eloquently. Ikkaku rolled his eyes, replying just as sarcastically.

"Careful. It's hard to cut off someone's dick if you're doped up."

"That remains to be seen, Ikkaku. I'll have a chance to practice that if you don't take a shower soon. You could stun a yack just by raising your arms."

Ikkaku gave a long-suffering sigh. He knew when to quit when he was ahead, or behind, rather. "Oh shut up, ya' stupid fuck. I'm goin' ta' eat dinner. You comin'?"

"No, I think I'll turn in early. I'll see you in the morning."

* * *

Renji stood awkwardly outside of the bathhouse in line, the only guy without a towel or soap in hand. He wasn't planning on taking a soak. No, he was looking for someone who'd been rumored to have come to Seireitei this morning: Kurosaki Ichigo, the man he'd been making dovey eyes at for  _months_.

He was quitting with being a chicken, because he'd heard rumors that someone else was gonna' try to snatch the kid up before he could, so he'd just go in there and spit it out as soon as he saw him. There would be two outcomes: Either Ichigo would castrate him, or Ichigo would let him take him to lunch.

The people in line were staring at him and standing up a little too straight, given the fact that lieutenants didn't usually come to share in the public bath. Their quarters had built-in bathrooms, so to see a high-ranking officer here seemed to have surprised the idiots.

Renji grew anxious and shoved in front of a bunch of people, barging into the changing area, looking around. After going down a few of the corridors, passing by cubbyholes that housed clothes and swords, he looked around, seeing nothing but sweaty men changing and clothes all over the wet concrete. After searching one last corner of the maze of changing rooms, he found his prize, what do you know,  _changing._

After spending a few seconds appreciating the view of Ichigo's wet nearly-naked body, Renji spoke up. "Hey, Ichigo." Ichigo was startled so badly that it nearly gave Renji a heart attack. That hadn't been the reaction Renji had hoped for.

An instant later, Ichigo punched Renji in the jaw out of reflex, beating him with a towel. Maybe he hadn't realized, but he'd been leaking enough spiritual pressure to keep everyone away from him. Maybe he'd been under the impression that the locker-rooms were empty, and hadn't recognized Renji right away, acting on instinct.

" _God_ , don't you people  _knock?!"_ Ichigo shouted, embarrassed that Renji had surprised him.

"How am I supposed to knock, there's no freakin' door!"

"You could still tell a person that you're coming up on them!"

"Well, geez, what are you getting all bent out of shape about, anyway? It's a  _public_  bathhouse." Ichigo just glared at him. Renji looked at something on the floor, which was getting the concrete wet. It looked like a lump of wet fabric, but it didn't look like the white bathhouse towels. "Hey, what's that?"

"My swim-trunks."

"What? Wait, are you telling me you were the only one in the drink who wasn't naked?" Ichigo turned red, giving him another punch for good measure.

"What do you  _want,_ you asshole?!"

"Sheesh, Ichigo, I thought you'd be happy ta' see me for once. It's been awhile," Renji said, a little hurt. He'd thought that they were friends after all. Maybe he should just cut to the chase; he could see that the poor kid was embarrassed. Might as well put him out of his misery.

It wasn't really the right moment. Seriously, Ichigo had just hit him a couple times and was in his underwear, which were sticking to his wet legs just so. If a shouting, idiotic, hot-headed asshole was what got his heart all fluttery, then he was just screwed. He was  _so fucking screwed._ _  
_

It wasn't the right moment; Renji knew that, but he also knew that would never be a 'perfect moment', so he just went for it.

' _Well, here 'goes,'_ he thought nervously.

"So, I was thinkin'... Uh-" His attempt at asking Ichigo on a date was interrupted when Ichigo glared at him snarkily, talking right over him with that attitude that Renji liked so much. Renji liked a challenge, and Ichigo's constant arguing fed him like lighter fluid to a flame.

"What were you looking for me for, anyway?"

"I just  _said_ -" Renji cut himself off, rolling his eyes, "Look, I got something to ask ya'."

"Okay," Ichigo said, tying his hakama on awkwardly, and good lord did he look good in them with that slit going down his thigh. Of course, Ichigo didn't usually wear traditional clothing, and when he used his substitute-shinigami badge, he appeared already dressed, so he hadn't had to figure out the clothing pieces before. It seemed to take him a while to realize that the hakama looped in the back, but not in the front, so the sash had to be tied tight to keep the front flap from falling open. Renji just watched him fiddle around with it for a full minute before he got down to business, realizing that this was Ichigo's way of telling him ' _I'm listening'_.

Renji knelt down in a dogeza, fists on either side of his face, "Kurosaki Ichigo, will you go on a date with me?"

There was dead silence for three seconds, and Renji looked up, looking around. Nobody was around. Maybe their combined spiritual pressure was keeping everybody from coming back here, or it could just be their reputations of being hotheads and the fact that they argued like hell whenever they were near each other. People knew to either seperate them or leave them alone.

Renji then looked up to Ichigo, who hadn't said anything.

Ichigo was just staring right back at him, eyes round, face a mix of confusion, curiosity, and absolute revulsion. "What. The.  _Hell?!"_ Renji sighed, shoulders slumping in exasperation, knowing that Ichigo had probably scared a ton of birds away with that shout. Well, now everyone knew that he was here, if they hadn't been aware of it before, what with his reiatsu-suppression problem.

"I like ya'. So come on a date with me," Renji said plainly, knowing that it wasn't good to just beat around the bush when talking to Ichigo. This needed to be black and white... still, maybe he could've been a little less blunt. The kid looked like he'd seen a ghost... it's just a figure of speech.

"I mean… Uh, please," Renji amended, observing to see if that had changed Ichigo's mind. Ichigo started sputtering, still thinking that he was nuts or telling a bad joke. Renji rolled his eyes, dragging the now-fully dressed idiot out of the bathhouse.

"Whatever, Come on. Date time."

"What the  _fuck?!_ Where are you taking me?"

"I just said where! Maybe you'd hear me if you'd take your head out of your ass! What do you want for lunch?" Renji asked, transitioning so smoothly that Ichigo looked completely flabbergasted.

"Is this a joke?"

"Tch', in your dreams," Renji rolled his eyes. Well, maybe this  _was_  a joke. It wasn't like he was kidding, but this would probably be pretty fucking funny when they looked back on it later.

* * *

_The punchline isn't supposed to hurt._


	2. Chapter 2

_Knock, Knock, anyone home?_

* * *

Ikkaku's stomach growled. "Shut up," he punched his gut, spitting on the ground as he finished off with the last of his meditation, which had been interrupted by a hunger pang. Time for lunch, it seemed. A man cannot survive off of sake alone, after all.

He got up and left the office - which he seldom used other than as a place he'd look when trying to find Yumichika. He headed home to grab a piece of that cake Yumichika had bought. Not the healthiest thing he could have for lunch, but it was better than booze, at least for today. Yumichika was still giving him the silent treatment for walking in on him in the bathroom last night, so Ikkaku had been on his own to get a lunch today. Usually Yumichika made them both nice little bentos, and in Ikkaku's case, there were  _two_ , because, as Yumichika put it, Ikkaku ate like a 'half-starved wild beast'.

Ikkaku pretended like he didn't know that Yumichika had been totally stuffing his face on that cake he'd bought, but he knew. There were crumbs all over the sink where Yumichika had eaten his breakfast on the run. Half of the damn cake had already been gone the day after it had appeared, so Yumichika had either shared it with someone other than him, Yachiru had gotten it, or Yumichika was depressed over something and was shoving his face with chocolate to drown his sorrows.

That last one couldn't be it, though, because when Yumichika was upset over something, he didn't stuff his face with cake;  _no_ , he drank copious amounts of red wine instead. It was seriously as if he'd get possessed by the dead spirit of some wino every single time a subordinate hurled some slur at him. After all, Yumichika  _hated_  to ruin his nails by getting blood underneath them.

Hm, some cake and some nice sake. That sounded good, at least until he could forage for some meat for dinner later. He came up to the rows of Division Eleven's employee's quarters, and saw that the door to the lieutenant's housing was open, which was _his and Yumichika's door._

He expected to see that he'd accidentally left the door open that morning, or maybe to see Yumichika stepping out and licking chocolate off his fingers, but neither happened. Then someone  _did_  come outside, but it was not Yumichika who emerged, no. It was  _him._

Ikkaku stopped dead in the middle of the road, staring at the guy, who was disheveled, with a stupid grin on his face. No, no it couldn't be. Ikkaku glared at Hisagi Shuuhei, who continued down the road a little dazedly, off in the direction of Division Nine.

After a moment of watching him go, Ikkaku tore ass over to their still-open door, entering their house, looking around for Yumichika who was surely here somewhere. If Yumichika wasn't here, maybe they had just been robbed by the dumb idiot. Ikkaku had never hoped so badly for them to have been stolen from. He hoped that Hisagi had been pilfering Yumichika's underpants, money, or something else that was otherwise unimportant, and not that Yumichika and he had had sex all over the house.  _Please_ , let that not be the case.

He busted open the door of their bedroom, and  _aha!_  There he was at the scene of the crime!

Yumichika screeched and punched him in the face so hard that he nearly lost a tooth. The bedroom door would've been slammed in his face if he had still been standing, but he wasn't, so his nose was spared from being broken. Ikkaku was laid out on the wooden floor of the hallway, moaning in pain, but with a dumb grin on his face.

Yumichika had been butt-naked, and god, was he good-looking when he was all sweaty like that.

Suddenly, it occurred to him. It was horrible, it was something he'd been trying to deny. Yumichika was naked and sweaty for one reason, and one reason only. The grin snapped off his face in a split-second. Yumichika had just been having sex with Hisagi, hadn't he, and in  _their room._

Ikkaku's mouth opened, and from it came a slow but strengthening screech of rage, accusation, and betrayal, "Yumi- _chika!"_

"Shut up, you stupid son-of-a-bitch!" Yumichika shouted back through the door with venom, and Ikkaku shut up promptly, because Yumichika only swore at him like that when he was hella' pissed. Ikkaku hadn't expected him to be so angry and to strike back at him like that. He could tell from the tone of Yumichika's voice that he was probably doing that twitchy eye thing that happened when he was about to have a conniption.

"If you walk in on me one more time,  _I am going to gut you like a trout!"_

"God, Yumichika, let a person know you're home, or fuckin', I don't know, _lock the door!"_  Ikkaku shouted back defensively, a little cowed that Yumichika was so pissed. Usually when Ikkaku shouted at Yumichika in genuine anger, Yumichika grew agreeable, or even hurt, doing whatever Ikkaku wanted, but he never retaliated so viciously, no. Yumichika didn't yell at him often, and never in such serious anger.

Maybe invading Yumichika's privacy was more of a serious offense to Yumichika than Ikkaku had thought. Immediately, Ikkaku grew repentant and a little guilty. "Or sing loudly so I know where you are. Or put up signs. Or, ya' know, just lock the door."

"Oh, like that would work," Yumichika said, a little less steamed, opening the door, holding a dressing gown closed around himself. His hair was still ruffled and he was still sweating slightly, a delicious flush on his face. Ikkaku felt bitterness and want rise within him, but he had to toss it out, knowing that this, whatever  _this_  was that he was beginning to feel, didn't belong to him. It was Hisagi's, and not his.

Out of the corner of his eye, as Yumichika extended a hand to help him up, he noticed that the beds were still made. Huh? How could that be?

Ikkaku just stared up at him as Yumichika tried to pull him up. He started thinking it through, surmising that they could've done it on the floor and not the bed, or against the bathroom sink, or against the dresser, or the window, or-

When Ikkaku just lay there instead of trying to get up, Yumichika was yanked back down on top of him with a yelp. "Aack!" Yumichika was plastered against Ikkaku's body, dressing gown falling open a little. Ikkaku immediately got hard feeling Yumichika's naked sweaty body pressing down on him, and lay there stock still as Yumichika got up with a scoff.

"Ugh, you-" Yumichika stood there for a moment, before his shoulders began to shake. Ikkaku got up unsteadily, seeing that he was laughing. He laughed a little too, shoving the idiot. "I'm sorry for being so cross. I just wish you would announce your presence or something. I detest voyeurs."

"Yeah, yeah, fine, I'll try ta' remember. Can't believe this didn't come up sooner what with me bein' such a 'blundering idiot'," he said, mocking Yumichika by mimicking his voice. Yumichika rolled his eyes. "So, how was Hisagi. 'His dick as big as you thought?"

"What on earth are you blabbering about?" Yumichika asked back without any surprise or notice of his change in subject, going over to the dresser and picking up his hairbrush, loosely tying his robe back around himself, the soft sheer fabric clinging to his slim body. Ikkaku was taken aback by that thoroughly bored uninterested tone of voice. He'd thought maybe Yumichika would be embarrassed or at least perturbed that he'd just called him out on his little 'roll-around'.

Ikkaku became cruel out of defensiveness and confusion. "Oh, don't play stupid, it's not 'beautiful'-" Yumichika hit him with his hairbrush.  _Damn,_  he hit hard when he was mad. "Oh, quit it," Ikkaku rubbed the spot where he'd been viciously whacked. "I saw him leaving like two minutes ago, don't try and lie."

Yumichika raised his eyebrows with a smirk, "Oh. You thought that… Oh, you idiot," he began laughing. "We were  _sparring_. He just walked me home."

"So why was he looking all dopey, smiling like that? And how come you're naked?" Ikkaku asked accusingly, crossing his arms like some overprotective big brother, glaring at Yumichika.

Yumichika just stared back at him calmly, as blasé as could be, as if he had nothing to hide. Maybe Ikkaku had overreacted again and made an ass of himself. It happened a lot these days. "I gave him a kiss goodbye?... And since you ask, I'm naked because I'm going to take a shower. People sweat when they fight, after all, even one so beautiful as I."

Ikkaku just stared at him, scratching the back of his neck, feeling stupid. "Oh." Well this was awkward, wasn't it. "Ah, I'll… I'll just, ah…"

"What did you need in here?" Yumichika asked curiously.

"Huh?"

Yumichika's eyes narrowed, and Ikkaku immediately broke out in a nervous sweat, flailing for an excuse. "You barged in here and startled me so for no reason? What did you need?"

"Uh… I was… Uh, there were these peanut monsters at the bar, so Hozukimaru got dirty," he made up, forgetting that he'd originally come here to get some lunch. With little ado, he walked over and grabbing the metal polish and a rag, before leaving swiftly, face red. He had to get rid of this hard-on and work through this complete  _muck_  that was his feelings.

He had a bad feeling that he'd let his little crush grow out of control. He'd fallen way too fast, and if he wasn't careful, he was gonna' hit the pavement full-force.

Because he didn't trust Yumichika to catch him.

* * *

"Mm, good sake," Ichigo said, coughing a little bit after draining his mug. It had been stronger than he'd anticipated, and he wiped his eyes with his wrist, coughing a couple more times. Renji just laughed, kicking him under the cafeteria table.

"Eat. Yer' too damn skinny. It'll be embarrassing if Seireitei's hero ever loses at arm wrestling."

"Oh, come on-"

 _"Eat!"_  Renji said noisily with his mouth full of yakisoba, shoving his extra onigiri at Ichigo.

"Shut up, you loud-mouth." Ichigo scowled, glancing around with his shoulders hunched up, almost covering his ears. He'd agreed to meet Renji here today, under the pretense of his stupid date. This didn't outwardly seem like a date to Ichigo. When Renji had told him that he wanted to go on a date, eating lunch acting the same as always hadn't been what Ichigo had had in mind. This didn't seem like a date-type activity to him, but what did he know. Ichigo looked around warily, to see if anyone was noticing what he wasn't. Then he looked up to the ceiling as if he might find a huge flashing sign that was telling everyone that they were possibly queer.

"What's your problem? You're so twitchy," Renji griped, scowling as he shoved some bread in his mouth. "'Mai' makin' ya' nervous?" Ichigo rolled his eyes.

"Please, you idiot, like you could do that," he grumbled, taking a bite of a pink mochi as savagely as one  _can_  take a bite of a pink mochi. He chewed as if he could get his anger out by biting harder, risking breaking his teeth. He kept glancing up at Renji, glaring as if all of this was a threat to his masculinity. Maybe if he dated a guy, he'd only be half as manly as before since there were two men in the relationship, or did that make him twice as manly? Did this make him queer? Was he a weirdo for giving his friend a chance instead of taking him to the vet and telling them to neuter him?

He was starting to feel a little strange. Maybe all this was bothering him so much that it was making him sick to his stomach, because he was starting to feel the beginnings of nausea. Renji wasn't acting any different, and it was bugging Ichigo. If Renji was trying to make a move on him, then why was he acting like nothing was different? He was still treating him like they were good friends who liked a bit of healthy arguing. For some reason he had anticipated Renji being all condescending, treating him like a delicate little flower, but it seemed he'd been mistaken. Maybe dating a guy didn't turn him into… well,  _Yumichika_. Not that he thought Yumichika wasn't tough or anything, but… Never mind.

"So… Uh…" Ichigo started, already regretting that he had started talking. He was starting to feel very strange, head spinning just a little. This room was much too hot. He was probably just nervous about all this. Geez, it was getting hot in here, and Ichigo couldn't help but notice Renji's bulging chest and arm muscles, and the bit of his tattoos that were showing under his uniform. Ichigo tugged at the collar of his yukata, loosening it so a breeze could hit his suddenly feverish skin. "I had, uh… I wasn't gonna' mention this, but… I actually heard rumors… before you just asked me that…"

"Oh yeah?" Renji asked slowly, eyes narrowing. Now that Ichigo was paying attention, he saw that Renji's eyes were softer and more caring, more open, and Ichigo was glad to see that maybe Renji's feelings weren't just physical, and that Renji didn't see him as weak or a prize. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. "Probably from Momo, huh?... Can hardly be mad at her, she doesn't really mean ta' blab, but..."

"No, not anyone in particular, just around…" Ichigo said, wiping his forehead, shifting on his bench. "I wasn't  _eavesdropping_  or something, but it's hard not to listen when you hear someone talking about you," he mumbled. Renji agreed.

"Yeah, I get it. People can't stop talking about our virile young hero. Sometimes I wish they'd shut up. It's hard to work with them always asking me questions about ya'."

Ichigo nodded, deciding not to comment on how Renji had complimented him. He stopped dead, legs twitching a little, crossing compulsively. Oh god, this was embarrassing. He'd thought that he'd aged out of getting weird spontaneous erections. This was uncomfortable, but he had just gotten really hard all at one time, and it was raging, telling him that it wasn't going to go away any time soon. Damn, he'd never felt so overwhelmingly horny; he could hardly keep himself from grabbing his hard-on through his hakama.

_'Public, Ichigo, you're in public. Count backwards from one hundred, recite a kidou chant, name a thousand reasons why Aizen is a tool-'_

"So… What didja' hear?… In the rumors, I mean," Renji asked, almost nervously, twiddling his thumbs with a subdued expression. Ichigo gave him a withered look, trying to take another bite, but couldn't, finding that his appetite had fled. He didn't feel so good all of a sudden.

"Oh… that… you're… attracted to me," he muttered. He couldn't meet Renji's eyes for a second, glancing up as soon as he could get his blush under control.

Renji was silent, pursing his lips, looking off to the side. Ichigo awkwardly continued, scratching compulsively at the back of his neck.

"Are you?" he asked, somewhat hopefully, somewhat with dread.

"Yes," Renji answered flatly. Ichigo blinked.

"Why?" he asked in blatant confusion and flat-out disgust.

"Let's get out of here," Renji said loudly, standing up suddenly, telling Ichigo that they could talk about it somewhere else, on the roof, at his house, as long as it wasn't here.

Ichigo kept trying to ask where the hell he was being taken, but Renji didn't answer, dragging him through Division Six, past Byakuya's office, allowing him just a glimpse of a bewildered noble who had looked up at the racket. As soon as the door to Renji's rooms closed, Renji pinned Ichigo against the wall, breathless, wrapping his hands around Ichigo's slim wrists and pressing them up above his head.

Ichigo let out a little noise of surprise, eyes fluttering closed involuntarily, breath ghosting out over Renji's lips. His erection came back, worse than before, practically pulsating with intense heat. As upset as he was about Renji grabbing him like this, as much as he wanted to punch his lights out, some primal part of Ichigo liked the forceful dominating hands holding him down, the wanton look in Renji's eyes. How he wished Renji would press his strong hard body up against him so his hard-on could get some attention. Ugh, he was so hard that he could hardly bear it, he could hardly keep from thrusting his hips forward, wanting some friction or pressure.  _God_ , was he horny, and he realized with a dull jolt that he was shaking just slightly.

When Renji deduced that Ichigo wasn't going to hit him, he hovered his mouth over Ichigo's wet pink lips, so tempted,  _so tempted_ , but he knew something was a little off. If he had tried this on Ichigo normally, he would've been kicked in the balls quicker than he could've said 'bread knife'.

Renji came closer, only a tiny bit away from Ichigo's mouth, wanting so badly to kiss him, but he just broke the silence, cutting through the tension that had built up between them. "You… I want you," he whispered passionately, "... so badly." Ichigo's eyes opened lazily, and he let out a whispery little sound, hands slipping out of Renji's grip. That husky voice of Renji's really turned him on. It was probably why he was friends with- Wait, woah, woah,  _woah!_

Suddenly, Ichigo got red in the face and shoved him back, staggering a little, clutching his own head. He glared at Renji distrustfully until Renji took a step back. "Here, let's go sit down," Renji said in disappointment, letting him sit at the table in his bare kitchen, flopping down across from him miserably, probably thinking that their friendship was ruined.

Ichigo set his hands on the table, not meeting Renji's eyes as he fidgeted for a few minutes, mouth contorting before he spoke. "So, they were right."

"What was?" Renji asked in confusion.

"The rumors."

"Oh," Renji answered plainly. "Yep."

"You…"

" _Yes_ , okay?" Renji said louder, "What, do ya' want me to shout it from the rooftops? Fine,  _I wanna'-"_  Ichigo got up with round eyes, throwing him over backwards in his chair to get him to shut up before he alerted Kuchiki and Rikichi and the rest of Division Six that Renji wanted to do less-than-appropriate things to him.

 _"Shhhh!"_  he spat, finger in front of his mouth. Renji just lay there in pain for a few seconds, a smile going over his face as he half-laughed and half-moaned in pain.

"Ohhh, you'd be an animal in bed," Renji's eyes rolled back as he fantasized out loud for a few seconds. Ichigo stomped on his face. " _Ah!_  What the  _fuck?!"_

"Shut your mouth, don't say shit like that to me," Ichigo growled, but then went grey, swooning suddenly as he fell back against the counter for support. Renji got up, not bothering with pinching his nose. He grabbed Ichigo by the shoulders, blood starting to trickle down his face.

"Woah, are you okay?... You don't look so good," Renji said, even as blood dripped down his own chin. Ichigo gave him a sarcastic look, still pale and clammy.

"I…" Ichigo panted, a flush coming over his face as he sweat, overheating as blood began to circulate his body in overdrive. It didn't appear to Renji that the color in his cheeks was from embarrassment, so he just put a hand on his shoulder in case he was going to faint or something. "I dunno', I just feel sick all of a sudden… I just need some water… I think I've been in the sun too long today," he whispered, eyes closing as Renji turned the sink on, letting him drink while he wiped his bloody face with a towel.

Then, Ichigo stumbled over to his couch and flopped down on it with a weird miserable sound. Renji followed him, eyeing him carefully. He was still a little taken aback that Ichigo hadn't tried to skin him for admitting his feelings to him.

He sat down next to him, and Ichigo flinched to Renji's dismay. "Why… why are you shying away from me like that? I don't bite or anything." Ichigo blinked lazily, staring at him for a while. "Are you sick? Ya' feel okay?" he asked, feeling Ichigo's forehead. To his surprise, Ichigo didn't protest, letting him plaster his hand to his pink sweaty forehead and hair.

"You… You want to do it with me?" Ichigo asked, more focused, less sick-sounding, with a normal expression.

"Yes," Renji answered plainly.

"You  _really_  want to?" Ichigo asked, and Renji wondered if he was setting him up for a joke or something. Renji's eyes went wide when Ichigo's hands slid up his own torso, opening his collar a little, looking back into his eyes. Renji immediately felt a twitch from under his hakama, getting half-hard watching Ichigo touch himself like that. Was… Was Ichigo really going to…

"Yes… Yes," he said again flatly, grimacing a little as he licked his lips compulsively, trying not to just pounce on the guy and start ravishing him. Part of him only wanted to make out here with Ichigo while rolling around on the floor, but another more primal part wanted to carry him to the bed and stake his claim on Seireitei's hero, even if it meant that the entire division was going to hear.

"Oh…" Ichigo said innocently, a little frown on his face, as if the information was just slightly surprising. In Renji's honest opinion, Ichigo was acting a little weird today. "Okay…" he said hesitantly, pulling at the tie of his own yukata, causing Renji's eyes to get big and round, hands twitching with want.

Then Ichigo went back to his normal attitude, scowling and snapping at him, pointing violently in his face. "I'm tellin' you though, if you tell, I'll cut your head off and bury it in a field." Holy shit.

Renji tried not to laugh at Ichigo's serious expression, shaking it off, really fucking excited to get his hands on the willing-seeming teen. There was quite an age gap between them if he thought about it. Did this make him some pervert pedophile? No, no, he couldn't think about that. Ichigo didn't seem like the type who would just drop his pants so quick, but he seemed trusting enough of him that he was going to let him make him feel oh-so good.

"Okay, okay, point taken. I won't tell."

"Alright, then…" Ichigo relaxed a little, looking uncertain but eager. He closed his eyes in anticipation, as if waiting for Renji to grab him. When Renji just stared at him, clenching and unclenching his hands to get control of himself, Ichigo opened his eyes again. "C'mere," he beckoned, letting Renji come climb on top of him. Sheesh, a moment before he'd been talking about cutting off his head, and now he was all lovey and eager to be kissed. Tsundere much, Ichigo?

Oh, but Renji didn't care. He was so happy and excited that he couldn't help himself, heart pounding quicker than it had in his last few battles. He couldn't help the desperation that he felt, and straddled the slim teen, feeling up that toned body. He kissed Ichigo's soft mouth, the mouth that swore and shouted battle cries, the mouth that released his bankai, the mouth that Renji had watched eat fruit much too innocently for much too long. He kissed him hard, passionate, and deep, trying to make Ichigo feel what he felt, trying to let Ichigo know that he was his hero, that he thought that he was something special.

Ichigo sank into the couch, with a surprised noise at Renji's eager forceful nature, never having been kissed like this. He lay there for a moment, lips unresponsive and unsure as Renji kissed him with so much enthusiasm. His hands twitched uncertainly, before wrapping around Renji's neck, tangling in his ponytail. Ichigo gave a sigh, relaxing, hips undulating up to meet Renji's hard body.

When Renji felt how hard Ichigo was, he gave a needy groan, mouth wet from where Ichigo had experimentally swiped his tongue. Then he grabbed Ichigo by the waist, hoisted him up into his arms and carried him to his room, stuck in a liplock with the horny, willing teenager.

Looks like opportunity had just decided to grab him instead of the other way around.

* * *

_The love he feels will grow and grow._   
_Will we like this? We don't know._   
_With each ticking of the clock,_   
_there's another door we forgot to knock._


	3. Chapter 3

_Knock, Knock, can I come in?_

* * *

Ikkaku hunched over his desk, scribbling his signature frantically on the documents Yumichika had passed off to him earlier. He hated paperwork. Yumichika totally deserved the shitload of extra money in his paycheck, because he probably did close to every piece of paperwork in the division.

This was crap, considering that all the battle reports and the documentation required for every fight were barely legible, given that the people who'd written it were barely literate. This was absolute crap.

He was getting ink spattered everywhere, dripping holes in the pages, but he didn't give a shit. Fuck this, fuck that, fuck that also, and fuck this in particular- Oh, and better not forget this one-

"Mm, yes... More strawberry sauce," Ikkaku heard Yumichika say from the next room. Oh, fuck, he was lucky that hakama were so roomy, because he was finding that he needed the space as the hours went by. What the hell was wrong with him?

He and Yumichika had known each other for a long time, a  _really_  long time, and Ikkaku had never let Yumichika wiley ways get to him before. In fact, he was pretty damn sure that that was the reason Yumichika had ever made friends with him in the first place. Ikkaku had always considered Yumichika off limits for centuries, now matter how pretty the little fruitcake was, but now it was finally getting difficult to refrain, to step away, to say 'nope, can't touch, that's not mine.' It was finally getting tempting, as his fierce grip of denial and distance was finally loosening. It was becoming torture to keep his hands and eyes to himself.

So to hear Yumichika say something like  _that..._ Ugh, Hisagi had better not be fooling around with Yumichika at the office. He could only hope that Yumichika was just being a fucking weirdo and talking to himself and not getting Shuuhei to coat his body with syrup. Ikkaku didn't want to have to remember seeing Yumichika taking it on the desk every time he walked in there.

Fuck Yumichika's policy of 'staying out of it' if he kept it outside their home. The way Ikkaku saw it, if he saw Hisagi's dick anywhere near Yumichika, he was going to fucking cut it off. If they were going to fool around, they'd better do it the hell away from him, because he couldn't control his own anger these days.

"What the hell is going on in h-" Ikkaku blinked, and for the second time that day, Yumichika's eyes narrowed, eyebrows furrowing, mouth souring at the fact that he had once again barged in without announcing himself, and on top of that, he'd just sworn in front of the lieutenant. Yumichika rolled his eyes, giving a little snobby sniff as he sipped from a teacup. Yachiru looked up at Ikkaku with a pouty frown, sitting in a little circle with Yumichika and all her love-toys, pouring copious amounts of strawberry syrup into the teapot, which held milk instead of actual tea.

"You weren't invited, Baldie! No boys allowed!"

"No  _ugly_  boys allowed," Yumichika corrected, fixing a bit of her hair, which had gotten some syrup on it. Her face and hair was a little sticky, because of her rush. She was obviously excited that Yumichika was letting her have this much sugar so early on in the day.

"Yeah!" Yachiru pointed at him accusingly, causing Ikkaku to scowl and take a half-step back out of reflex. "Get out, Pachinko-dama! Didn't you read the sign?"

"What sign?"

Yumichika nodded at the door, and Ikkaku stepped out, looking at the front of the door where there was a picture of what he assumed was himself, drawn in pink marker, along with a message that said 'sta owt, baldee'.

"Well fine," Ikkaku said defensively, stomping back over to his desk, leaving the door open. He sat there sulking with a pout that would've given Yumichika a run for his money, glaring at the two and their fucking merrymaking.

It's not like he wanted to be invited to that,  _no,_  Yachiru probably would've dumped milk on his head and eaten all the cookies. That was a stupid game anyways; he could spend time with Yumichika later. Who the hell wanted to sit in some stupid seance circle with stuffed animals? Not  _him._ He wanted beer, and brawls, and...  _manly_  stuff, yeah. He wasn't jealous, no, no way was he jealous.

"Yun-Yun, how do you do that?" Yachiru asked, knocking over a few of her stuffies to go peep at how Yumichika was holding his teacup.

"Hm? Oh. Just stick open your pinkie like this," he showed her, helping her hold the fragile glass, which Ikkaku was amazed hadn't been broken by her yet. Maybe Yumichika just had a way with her or something. Now that he thought on it, she always did throw fewer tantrums and cause less trouble when around Yumichika, which was weird, because he'd always assumed that Yumichika didn't like kids.

"Oooohhh," she said over-dramatically, sticking it out. "I think Byakushi does that too, but why?"

Yumichika twitched with a tired laugh, hating that incessant question of hers, "Because it's  _fun_ , isn't it?"

"Oh. Yeah," she said with a big smile, gulping down her strawberry milk, which was more syrup than milk really. Yumichika put in some more scoops of sugar and more milk, stirring it with a spoon for quite a while to even it out. Then he started whispering to her behind his hand, glancing over at his grumpy friend, who was throwing a silent fit over there with his paperwork, glaring at them like he wanted to set them on fire. Yachiru seemed to start pouting at his request, but she eventually got up and scooted over to Ikkaku with a teacup, telling him to try some as she ran back to Yumichika.

"Alright, alright, I think Taichou will be done with his nap by now, and he won't want his pretty girl so sticky, will he-" Yumichika said, standing up with a long-suffering sigh, holding his aching back as he cracked it. Ikkaku could see in his face that he was exhausted. "Carefully now, you must be very gentle," he reminded her when she went to put the little plates and cups back in the box.

"Oh yeah," she nodded, putting them back with extreme care, and Ikkaku was just left to stare at them, wondering why  _he_ always got bitten and drooled on by the little brat. Then again, Yumichika was spoiled rotten too. Maybe brats like to band together or something and swarm in vicious packs. It was no wonder that the two sharks got along. Ikkaku snorted, getting ink spatters on his paperwork. Fucking paperwork, he  _hated_  paperwork.

"Come with me now, fuku-taichou, we're going to wash our beautiful faces."

"Okay!"

Ikkaku looked after them, having just picked up a trick. Yachiru  _hated_  bath-times, washing her hands, and brushing her teeth. The last time Ikkaku had had to comb her hair for bed when the Taichou was sick, he'd nearly had his fingers bitten off. Maybe Yumichika tricked her into believing they were playing a game or doing something together instead of making it a chore. Maybe he was more gentle when wiping her face or putting on sun lotion, instead of the rough hands of every other man in the division, including Yachiru's precious Ken-chan. Maybe Yumichika made it sound like a request instead of an order. Maybe Yumichika was a friend to her and not a babysitter.

Or maybe it was magic. That would explain Yumichika's fucking sparkling.

Ikkaku just shook his head, looking down at his crotch. He was beginning to notice a pattern. "So we meet again."

* * *

"Mm,"

"You idiot," Renji said, backing off a little, and Ichigo's lazy eyes opened blearily. He smiled up at Renji, who was so flushed and worked up, smelling so good, so  _real._ He could feel the muscles in Renji's back working under his hands, his strong shoulders, his chest, and those beautiful tattoos hiding beneath that uniform. He was so wonderfully masculine and powerful with every movement and sound, and Ichigo could hardly take it, he could hardly stand the attraction that he had never felt the likes of before.

He was as hard as a rock in his underwear, and he needed more, he needed to be touched. He didn't even care that he was usually awkward and extremely put off by sexual displays. He needed this, or the spinning in his head would continue. He wanted to be touched so badly.

"What?" he asked, eager to get Renji back down to kiss him some more. He'd never kissed like this, and he found that he really liked it. He loved the warmth and the closeness. He liked how it made him feel. He loved touching another person this way; he didn't get much contact these days, when it wasn't sparring or battling, and that just wasn't the same. He would always be human at heart, and the human heart - and consequently the soul - craves contact and love.

"What's your problem?" Yeah, Renji. What the hell was his problem? Why couldn't he just kiss him until they both nearly fainted? Ichigo wanted to breathe the sweeter air, the air that he and Renji shared when they were so close together; he _wanted_  it. So Renji should just get the fuck back down here so that this could continue.

"That's not how you kiss, stupid," Renji grumbled, sitting up from where he was straddling Ichigo. Renji looked down at him with a frown, as if he were something incredibly dumb.

"Well,  _what_ , then?" Ichigo asked in defensive confusion. He'd just been kissing back the best way he knew how.

"Don't close your lips so tight like that, it's like you're afraid of catching something." Renji stared at him in distress, looking angry and almost hurt, as if he thought Ichigo thought he had 'cooties' or something. Ichigo was pissed, because he could hear the 'who the hell doesn't know how to kiss' attitude in Renji's voice, and it was embarrassing and irritating to be teased about it.

"My dad's a doctor," Ichigo said flatly, tickling Renji in the ribs a little, making him come back down.

"Relax your mouth, I said!" Renji shouted onto his lips when Ichigo made no change in his technique.

"Geez, fine, fine, I'm trying," he whispered, having gone partially deaf. He smiled when Renji relaxed, loving the hands crawling all over him. He didn't feel the fear, the awkwardness, or the embarrassment. He just wanted to keep doing this, to keep feeling so good. Nothing mattered but this. He was so aroused that he could hardly handle it, getting woozy in the head, movements growing sluggish even as his heart pounded much too fast. He was in full sensory overload, beginning to feel slightly dazed.

As he relaxed his mouth, opening it wider when he kissed the older man, he almost clammed up again, feeling something strange. Renji's tongue flitted across his lower lip, then came into his mouth, slipping past his lips, and suddenly he froze up, feeling invaded. Instead of instinctually shoving Renji off of him, he gave it a chance, even though he felt irrationally threatened at first. He lay there rigidly as Renji's tongue slid over his, warm and inviting, testing, and he began to moan helplessly when Renji sucked on his tongue. Oh, he'd never done  _this_  before, this was so nice. He was tingling all over, shivers going all the way down his spine as Renji's hands roamed over his bare chest. His fingers twitched involuntarily, pulse quickening even further. This felt so nice.

"You should touch me too," Renji said, a little string of saliva connecting their mouths together.  _Oh_ , he looked so gorgeous like that, splayed out above him, so strong and passionate looking. Those eyes were piercing him to the core, and that vibrant red hair was becoming Ichigo's favorite color. As much as Ichigo wanted to explore Renji's tattoos, suddenly, he halted, limbs locking up.

"O… Okay," Ichigo said uncertainly, hands suddenly unsure and cautious. Renji looked down at him and his innocent face, as if he hadn't expected him to agree. Ichigo really was giving him a chance, and it was weirding him out. He'd been expecting Ichigo to protest and to hit him more, for him to need persuading and bargaining and long months of gaining his trust.

Ichigo wanted this too, didn't he... Ichigo... Ichigo was...

The look on Renji's face became hungry, feral, and possessive, and he grabbed him roughly. For a second, Ichigo thought Renji was going to start choking him, but he just clutched him to his chest, squeezing the hell out of him.

"What are-... khh.." he gasped, air being crushed from his lungs. Was this a hug, or a body-lock?

"I missed you… and your  _stupid_  face," Renji gasped, breathing erratically as he kissed Ichigo all over, holding him so close. "I wanna' hold you… I just wanna' hold you."

"Okay," Ichigo answered, hesitantly wrapping his arms around Renji, loving the way Renji cradled his head in his hands, strong protective body hovering over him. They stayed like that for a minute, Renji just stroking his hair and hugging him tightly, eventually thanking him for giving this a try. "Yeah, yeah, shut up."

"I know you're nervous. You don't gotta' hide it. It's all okay... I'll stop whenever you feel like it. No need to be antsy." Renji whispered in his ear then, "I'll make you feel good… I'll make you feel so good." Ichigo jolted, moaning when he felt a tongue beneath his ear, and a sucking mouth on his pulsepoint.

He stopped Renji's wrist when he made to undress him, to grab at his crotch and squeeze his aching erection. Ichigo looked into his eyes for a moment, seeing more than lust. He saw loyalty, faith, trust, and admiration. Most of all, he saw in Renji's eyes, that Renji saw him, completely, to the core, to his bare soul. Renji could see him, and Renji liked what he saw, and Ichigo could see that too.

So he let go, and let Renji slip his hakama down his legs.

* * *

_Knock, knock. Open up._


	4. Chapter 4

_Don't you people knock?_

* * *

Ikkaku listened to the low laughter, biting his lip as he slid down the wall silently and landed pitifully on his butt, knees against his chest. God, it  _hurt._  It had never hurt before to have Yumichika do his thing, to parade around with whoever he deemed worthy, but now,  _now_  it was hurting so bad that Ikkaku could hardly bear it. Maybe this was what was so horrible about having a heart.

He should've just stayed in denial. If he hadn't admitted to himself that he loved Yumichika then he wouldn't be in such pain.

"I love you."

Ikkaku's eyes went wide, and the only sound he could hear for a moment was the beating of his own breaking heart. He felt as though his life was at stake as he suffered through that short moment of silence. Yumichika couldn't answer back, he just couldn't. If Yumichika was in love with Hisagi, Ikkaku would die inside, and then how would he be able to fight? He could fight through anger, but not through sadness.

Yumichika gave a wicked laugh, replying to Hisagi's sweet confession. "Well, that's just the advantage I need, now isn't it." Ikkaku sighed in relief. He could always rely on Yumichika to be a tricky sneak, to always be distant and above it all. Even if Yumichika was lying to Hisagi, Ikkaku didn't want to know. He didn't want to hear Yumichika admit his love aloud.

"You little devil," Shuuhei snickered, and Ikkaku cringed as he listened to the kissing sound effects. At least Hisagi Shuuhei appreciated Yumichika's coy attitude as much as Ikkaku did, and Ikkaku could respect that. Even when he was consumed with jealousy, Ikkaku could admit that Hisagi was a nice guy, and that he would do Yumichika a lot of good. Even so, Ikkaku couldn't listen to this any longer. He crept back to their front door and loudly re-entered, stomping his way inside, announcing that he was home very conspicuously.

Of course, Hisagi left with flawless acting, but Ikkaku gave him the stink eye anyways. The stupid idiot should just move off and leave Ikkaku's territory alone. Usually he could scare off the recruits who had little crushes on Yumichika, but it didn't seem it would work on one of his colleagues. Hisagi was braver than them. Hisagi had  _status_ , and there was no reason that he couldn't take interest in Yumichika. Ikkaku would have to actually confront the guy to tell him that Yumichika was  _his_  fun-pie, but if he did, ugh, Yumichika would find out about his feelings.

He didn't know what to do. He couldn't listen to his head or his gut, because they were often wrong or irrational, but if he listened to his heart, his judgement would be twisted by jealousy. Rather than allowing the weakness of his indecision show through, he let his irritation rule him.

Ikkaku entered their bedroom to see Yumichika smiling, laying on Ikkaku's perfectly made bed like he wanted to make snow angels on it. Aw fuck. Had they been fooling around on  _his_  bed? Great, just great. Now how was he gonna' get to sleep thinking about them doing it on his bed?

"What are you so happy for?" Ikkaku snapped.

Yumichika looked up at him, and his smile faded a little as he fixed his hair with that signature snobby gesture of tossing his head. "Oh, you're back. Sorry for ruining your bad mood."

Ikkaku rubbed the back of his neck. Maybe he was being unfair by being so pissed at them for all this. After all, he'd had a long time to get his shit together and stop being an oblivious denial-addict. He and Yumichika had known each other a  _long time_  and Ikkaku had let lots of opportunities pass by.

Yumichika had little flings all the time, and it wasn't fair for him to suddenly care now that it was Hisagi pursuing him. Then again, Ikkaku had never had any reason to get his rear in gear, because Yumichika followed him regardless of how he acted. Now, things were different. He'd have to put in actual effort. He'd have to confess his feelings if he was going to try to stop the two of them from getting together. The prospect was daunting indeed.

Yumichika hummed a little, got up, and practically pranced to his own bed, lying down on it. He immediately shot back up, staring at the mattress accusingly. "What the heck is  _that?"_  Ikkaku stared at the mattress, which had not so much as a piece of dust on it. The bed was perfect, and he'd made sure of it, because he'd fixed the sheets nicely so that Yumichika wouldn't notice anything different about it. Of course, Yumichika knew. He was an idiot to think that he could've hidden something from him.

Yumichika was looking at his futon as if he had just lain on a pine cone. Ikkaku rolled his eyes. Yumichika was like the princess and the fucking pea, good lord.

"What happened to my mattress?… What's wrong with it?"

"I burnt it."

"You bur-" Yumichika stopped dead, doing a double-take, eyes opening wide. " _What?_  Why would you burn it?!"

"It was dirty," Ikkaku said flatly, glaring back at Yumichika. Fuck Yumichika and his sneaky ways and his ability to lure whoever he wanted into his bed. Fucking  _fuck_  Yumichika, and Hisagi too. Ikkaku was pissed and jealous, but he couldn't help it. Maybe he had gone a little overboard with this though. Okay, he'd probably gotten carried away and overdone it by burning the mattress, but it had made him feel better at the time. Still, he wouldn't be able to talk himself out of this one. Yeesh.

"What is with you lately?" Yumichika asked suddenly, no longer talking about the mattress, even though Ikkaku could see that he was still upset over it. Ikkaku hated how perceptive Yumichika was sometimes, because Yumichika knew exactly what he was thinking and was calling him out on it. "You're acting so strangely. I  _told_  you that Shuuhei and I haven't slept together; I'm still working on that. When we do, we'll go somewhere else, not here.  _I_  uphold my promises, Madarame Ikkaku." Ikkaku flinched. He hated when Yumichika said his name with that tone of voice.

"Well."

"Well?" Yumichika raised an eyebrow, hands on his hips. "Well  _what?!"_

"Nothing, _God!"_ Ikkaku shouted, throwing his hands in the air. He was too fucking worked up to deal with this. He couldn't even really explain to himself or Hozukimaru why he was acting weird, and definitely not to  _Yumichika_ , who was doing that thing where he'd get him even more pissed off by arguing back much too rationally.

"What is your problem with Shuuhei? You were such good friends with him. I thought you'd be happy that I finally want to date someone so nice instead of just flitting about. I don't understand you at all, Ikkaku-"

"Well, I'm not friends with him anymore, just get over it!" Ikkaku shouted. At least Yumichika wasn't lowering himself to shouting back, and was remaining calm and cynical, which actually bothered Ikkaku more.  _Yumichika_ was at fault here, not him. He couldn't be at fault, he couldn't be. He didn't want to be guilty, but the alternative was to be upset and bitter, which wasn't the best option either.

"What did he ever do to you?"

"He's a  _thief!"_

"A thief," Yumichika said flatly, nodding jauntily, crossing his arms. "You are a full-blown lunatic. I knew it the moment I saw you. You are bat-crazy."

Ikkaku felt the urge to scream rise in his chest, but he held it down, clenching up his gut. No, shouting back at Yumichika wouldn't work; it never had. Sh, sh, sh, no more yelling. He needed to keep his cool and not let the little minx get under his skin. Maybe it was time for a little honesty.

"He's gonna' steal you away," he said unsteadily, voice breaking from stress instead of tears. Suddenly he felt desperate and sad, sighing, covering his eyes with a hand. Yumichika stared back at him, face falling.

"Oh, Ikkaku…" He approached cautiously, touching the side of Ikkaku's arm. "You know that nothing could ever break our special friendship, don't you? I'm not going to move out or switch divisions. Even if I did, I would visit every day. You don't have to worry." Ikkaku didn't have the heart to tell Yumichika how he had really meant to say that.

' _He's gonna' steal you away from_ _me.'_

"He's not going to take me away," he said softly. Then his demeanor changed, and they were back to their old habits. This time Ikkaku felt an enormous distance between them, and he didn't know how to bridge it.

Yumichika was out of reach again, forever sparkling in the distance, only something he could want and never attain. "Don't think such ugly thoughts. Being glum is bad for your fighting."

"Yeah," he said gruffly, heading for the kitchen, leaving Yumichika to test out his bed, which was nowhere  _near_  as soft as his beloved mattress and duvet, which had also perished in the bonfire.

Yumichika was right. If he had been angry, he could've dealt with it. Anger, he could use, but sadness was something he couldn't channel into his fights. When he was sad, he moped. When he was sad, he felt empty and he didn't want to do anything. He  _didn't_  do anything. Sadness made him feel pathetic and pitiful,  _desolate_ , and he couldn't fight that way, not with his sword, and not for Yumichika's heart.

When he was sad, the battle was lost before it had even begun, so Ikkaku just nodded, not looking back. "I know."

* * *

"Oh shit." Renji bit his lips, watching Ichigo's erection spring free from his underwear. He wasn't small, but he was proportionate to his slim body-type, rosy and just slightly curved. "You're so cute," he said, face scrunched up in horror.

Ichigo made an embarrassed noise and kicked him. Renji just smiled, still overtaken by how adorable this usually tough and scowly guy was. The teen covered himself with his hands compulsively, only moving them when Renji nudged his fingers aside. He nervously clenched his fists, indecisive and shy, not quite liking being looked at so closely.

"I'm gonna' make you feel so good," Renji promised when he saw Ichigo's worry, no matter how much the teen tried to hide it. He didn't tease him or draw attention to the fact that Ichigo was nervous, letting him deal with it on his own. Ichigo was probably trying not to let him notice, so he kept his mouth shut. If Ichigo wanted to stop, he would tell him.

"Poor guy. You're really worked up," Renji mumbled. Ichigo was painfully aroused, and Renji could see it by the way his erection almost stood up by itself. "Thinkin' about me too much?" he asked with a smirk. Ichigo scowled.

"You wish, you bastard," Ichigo's eyes flicked down in shame, and his scowl faded to a frown, cheeks pink. Renji felt bad for teasing him and wasted no time in wrapping his big hand around the base of Ichigo's erection, licking experimentally at the tip. Ichigo's eyes went so wide with surprise and pleasure that Renji stopped, grinning.

This was definitely Ichigo's first time getting head, and Renji was going to make sure he remembered this for the rest of his life. He looked ready to burst already, and Renji was eager to let him. He couldn't wait to hear Ichigo's strong voice break and his hardened visage devolve into a desperate expression of absolute pleasure.

Immediately, Renji gripped him hard, swirling his tongue around him as he took him in deep, almost all the way in. There was benefit to Ichigo still being young, not having fully left his teen years to grow all the way into his adult body yet. It made it easy to suck him all the way into his mouth, his nose getting closer to Ichigo's stomach with every stroke. He must've started at too quick of a pace, because Ichigo grabbed handfuls of his hair, trying to drag him back. He curled up, gasping, but Renji just gave a low hum, making sure Ichigo could hear that he was enjoying this too. "Ohhh, oh- Ahhn," Ichigo choked out, lying back again and shaking all over as Renji bobbed his head. "Oh, ggh-…  _God_ …"

"Feel good?"

"Yeah," Ichigo nodded, breathless, throwing an arm over his face. He only dared let one eye peek out to watch Renji, who was licking him obscenely and deliberately making wet noises as he sucked on him.

He lay there twitching, helpless against the pleasure. He couldn't keep his arms still, putting them over his face, then fisting them in the sheets, compulsively touching the back of Renji's head and then moving away when he regained some control. "Renji," he gasped, trying to warn him that he couldn't help himself, hips bucking upwards desperately.

Getting the message, Renji's big warm hands slid up over his hipbones and held him down, thumbs rubbing gentle circles as he worked his head up and down, sucking hard. He reached out and took one of Ichigo's hands, bringing it to the back of his head. Not feeling brave enough to grab Renji's ponytail, Ichigo just ran his fingers over Renji's head, hips still struggling to thrust upwards to go further into his mouth.

"Oh, yeah… Mm… Mmmm," Ichigo bit his lips, giving Renji some words of encouragement as he gasped, toes curling when he felt the graze of teeth. Oh, wow, it was so warm and wet, and that powerful tongue was driving him insane. This was so much better than using his own hand. Renji knew just how to touch him to get him to spiral higher and higher until he could hardly see.

Ichigo didn't last long, but Renji didn't tease him, swallowing his cum before he had a chance to taste it, wringing him dry with a coordinated twist of his hand and head. Ichigo moaned and twitched, shaking erratically. When Renji pulled away, he just lay there limp, still hard as a rock to Renji's confusion. Ichigo moaned in surprise at the intensity of the orgasm, brain shot to hell as he lay there, engulfed in the pleasurable aftershocks for nearly a full minute. Geez, and he was still so worked up and turned on, wanting to go again even though that had tired him out. Would it be inconsiderate to ask Renji to do it again?

"Did ya' like it?" Renji asked with a small laugh, seeing how much Ichigo was sweating and panting, completely blown away. Renji wanted to ravish him right there, he looked so... oh, he could hardly stand it. How could this boy not know how gorgeous he was, how much he lit up everyone's world. Renji had to show him, had to make him feel how much he wanted him.

"Sure did," Ichigo whispered, a smile twitching the corner of his mouth. "That was really good." He was sweating everywhere, strength having failed him as he struggled to sit up. His head was spinning, giving him a brain rush as he struggled to get his heartbeat to slow down. That was when he saw Renji lick a stray drop from his fingers. Suddenly, his face fell to Renji's dismay, and he pointed at him in something akin to horror.

"Did you just-" Ichigo looked down at his erection and back up to Renji's mouth, "How could you swallow that? Why did you swallow that?... It's dirty," he said, and Renji tried to cut him off, but he shouted back in his face, "It's  _dirty!"_

"Geez, if you're gonna' keep shouting like that,  _You're_ gonna' be the one telling everybody, an' not me."

Ichigo looked back at him in a sort of half-disgusted curiosity, seeming turned on by the fact that Renji had done that but also revolted. "Well, what am I  _supposed_  to say if you do that?"

"Say thank you," Renji grinned, licking his lips salaciously.

"You dummy," Ichigo gasped out, flopping back on the mattress, trying to drag Renji down with him. Laying on their sides facing each other, Ichigo leaned forward and hesitantly kissed Renji's lips, wondering if he'd be able to taste anything weird, but he didn't. Still not feeling comfortable with kissing or the mechanics of doing so, Ichigo went slowly, eyes open, feeling like he owed Renji  _something_  after that. Renji kissed back passionately, holding his face in a way that made Ichigo's heart ache a little bit.

"You meanie-head," Renji retorted. "I do something nice and all you do is yell, yell, ye-" Ichigo scowled and pinched his nipple through his shirt, causing him to let out a yelp. "Oh, you fucker," Renji mumbled, play-biting his neck.

Renji then palmed his own crotch through his hakama, growling deeply and pushed Ichigo onto his back, rolling on top of him onto his hands and knees. He held himself up with one arm as he fumbled around down below, untying the sash at his waist, ready to let the front flap of the hakama fall open.

"No," Ichigo suddenly said, head literally spinning and causing him to panic as Renji's moderately larger body hulked over him. He felt so exposed and vulnerable all of a sudden. Things were moving too fast. "Stop."

Renji ignored him and leaned down, eyes hazy with desire. Ichigo freaked out and scrambled back, holding his arms out to try to keep him from coming any closer. " _Stop!"_

Renji stopped dead. Maybe Ichigo was in denial. Maybe he'd been really grossed out by Renji's feelings all along. Maybe he had been really nervous before and had been able to work through it because of the pleasure, but now was back to his senses. Maybe he was disgusted by him, or maybe he was even  _frightened_. Renji smiled self-deprecatingly and stopped, backing off. "I'm… I'm just gonna' go to tha' bathroom," he mumbled.

Ichigo lay there, propped up on his elbows, still in a defensive stance as he watched Renji go, getting the impression that he'd hurt Renji's feelings. Ichigo suddenly felt guilty, stopping Renji when he reached the doorway. "I… Wait!..."

Renji stopped, not turning around, head bowed. Ichigo looked at his silhouette outlined in the door frame: long ponytail, strong shoulders, powerful hips, and a hint of dejection in his frame. "I'm sorry," Ichigo said quietly, stuttering for a moment. "Don't… don't leave… I'm sorry." Ichigo didn't feel good all of a sudden, head spinning more violently. He was feeling really sick and really emotional too.

Renji grimaced and moved back over to him, sitting next to him on the mattress. Ichigo's once-sweaty forehead was now clammy and pale, and his head was rolling in little circles. He'd been acting so strangely today, and if Renji wasn't mistaken, there were… wait,  _tears?_

'Oh no. No, Ichigo, no tears.'

"Were you scared?" Renji asked, hands fluttering over Ichigo uselessly, not knowing where to touch him for comfort. Oh shit, was Ichigo gonna' cry? He must've really messed up big time. He'd gone too fast and scared him or something. Aw shit. The poor guy. Renji forgot all too often because of Ichigo's way of saving the world and never giving up, but Ichigo was still just a kid. Ichigo was just a teenager still, and Renji had pushed him too hard, too fast.

"Don't worry, uh… I won't do it again." He took Ichigo by the shoulders and pulled the sniffling shaking thing into his chest. "Geez, don't start  _crying_ , stupid, I wasn't gonna'… Uh… Sh," he said uncertainly, petting Ichigo's hair awkwardly as Ichigo choked back tears.

"Renji?"

"What, sunflower?"

"I… I think I'm sick… I'm gonna' throw up," Ichigo said, a little grey in the face, dead on his feet. A little ' _urp_ ' sound came from his throat as a hiccup passed, and then he clapped a hand over his mouth.

Suddenly, it hit Renji. The weird way that Ichigo had let him ask him on a date but hadn't killed him, the weird way that Ichigo had let him advance and kiss him, the weird way Ichigo's defenses were down, the weird way Ichigo had been still so turned on after an orgasm, these weirdo tears.  _Ichigo had been drugged earlier on in the day._

Renji was suddenly thankful that he hadn't let Ichigo's attitude chase him away earlier, or whoever had tried to have their way with Seireitei's hero would've probably been able to overpower him. Renji was stunned that he hadn't realized this earlier, what with how much Ichigo was freely enjoying being dominated, his caution thrown to the wind. That hadn't been the real Ichigo talking.

Guilt and disappointment crashed over Renji like a tidal wave.

"I don't feel good," Ichigo said miserably, seeming to have fought down the urge to vomit on the spot and was now laying plastered across his chest, looking like he felt completely pitiful. Renji's heart throbbed, and he rubbed Ichigo's arm a little, holding him.

"Uh… Here, I'll… Uh, I'll take care of you," Renji offered, and Ichigo nodded, sniffling. Renji pulled Ichigo's yukata the rest of the way off and helped him hitch up his underpants, lifting his hips up when Ichigo proved to be a deadweight.

"I'm sick," Ichigo mumbled again, the delirium of the drug finally setting in after all those hours. Renji judged that it would've taken full effect by sundown, when the assailant would've sought out and made their attack on the as-good-as-defenseless man. If he ever found out who it was, he would get Momo to help him set fire to the fucker, or better yet, he could let Kira handle them.

"You're not sick, you're  _drugged._  I guess no one warned ya' about that."

"Is that why I feel so tingly? You kissed me like fireworks-" Ichigo said dazedly, not making much sense. Perhaps the drug's effects had accelerated because of Ichigo's elevated heartbeat. Renji smiled a little bit, saying that he could share some pajamas with Ichigo.

"What? No! I'm not tired!" Ichigo tried to sit up but ended up flopping backwards, almost cracking his head open on the headboard. Renji was fast enough to grab him by the collar to prevent him from getting blood all over his bed.

"Shush, you're high, Ichigo. We're going to sleep now."

"But I-"

"Shh." Renji covered his mouth when he tried to keep talking, knowing that it's what the sane Ichigo would want: for someone to shut him up when he was talking drunk nonsense. Then, Renji brought him a glass of water.

"But it's not even dark yet!" Luckily Renji was quick enough that he got back right in time to grab Ichigo to keep him from falling out of bed. It had taken the now delirious teen that long of a time to get around to trying to follow him out of the room. "Okay, maybe you're right," Ichigo said reasonably, eyes dilated.

Renji tried to make Ichigo sit up the right way, but he was too lame and floppy. "Quit being so pitiful," Renji growled.

"You can't get mad at me, you said I'm high," Ichigo said woozily, overly loud.

"Shh."

Ichigo sipped some water, nearly choking himself as Renji helped him put on a spare sleeping yukata, his favorite one with the flowers on it. It was too big for Ichigo, and he looked so cute with his hair all ruffled up and those innocent eyes. Renji bit his lip, leaning down and pecking him on the forehead. Ichigo tried to kiss him back, closing his eyes sweetly and leaning out with his lips puckered, but he just flopped forwards onto his face.

Yep, it had definitely kicked in. If Renji didn't feel so guilty about not noticing this earlier, he would've never let Ichigo live this down. Really, what a dork.

Renji took off his uniform in the corner of the room, getting into his pajamas, and Ichigo was looking at him with round glazed-over eyes, starting to jerk himself off right in front of him because of how hard he still was. Apparently, Ichigo didn't have any censorship or self-control when he was high. Seeing that much bare skin seemed to have driven him to desperate measures.

"Hey, don't do that in front of me, stupid," Renji said in embarrassment, knowing that Ichigo would never do that if he was in the right frame of mind. Ichigo just gasped, yanking his pajamas open so he wouldn't stain them, cumming all over his belly. Renji twitched within his fundoshi, unable to stop staring; he'd have to take care of that once Ichigo fell asleep.

"Ugh, you're lucky I have so much willpower."

After cleaning Ichigo up, he lay down next to him uncomfortably. Ichigo curled up and yawned like a little cat, and Renji held him up against his chest, erection aching and begging for a release of pressure. It would be so easy to take advantage of Ichigo right now, to cave in and fuck him senseless, but just the thought of how awful he would feel afterwards turned Renji's stomach.

"Nightie night," Ichigo whispered, falling asleep quickly, and Renji was glad for it, not wanting to deal with his crazed babble talk any longer. Hopefully he'd sleep it off over the next ten or so hours.

"Gnight, you dork. You'd better thank me for this," Renji whispered, slipping away to the bathroom. He'd go back to bed once it got dark. That way, he wouldn't be tempted.

* * *

 _Somebody's knockin' at your door, tt, tt, tt  
_ _Somebody's knockin' at your door, tt, tt, tt  
_ _Oh, sinner, why don't you answer,  
_ _Somebody's knockin' at your door, tt, tt, tt_


	5. Chapter 5

_Lock your doors; the googies are coming._

* * *

 

Ikkaku woke up due to a bump in the night. That bump turned out to be Yumichika getting up and closing their bedroom window. Ikkaku lay with the blankets pulled up to below his eyes, peeking out with eyebrows furrowed, upset that he'd been awakened for this.

He watched silently as Yumichika did not go back to his futon, but out of their bedroom and down the hall. If Yumichika had simply had to use the bathroom, he wouldn't have done this, because their bathroom was connected to the bedroom. Maybe Yumichika was hungry or something.

When Ikkaku heard the front door open, he got up, creeping along, planning to tell Yumichika that he'd been getting a drink of water if he was caught. Was Yumichika leaving to go for a walk or something? Had he heard someone knocking?

He heard talking then, and ducked down in the hallway, listening despite his sleepiness.

"- led you on or something, and I'm sorry if I did. I just told you that I've changed my mind. Need I remind you that consent is a thing that can be withdrawn at any time?… I suggest you just go home and stop making such an ugly display."

"Oh, shut up, you know what you're doing to me, you _know_ , you're just being a cocktease-"

"What is so awful about wanting to do it in the office instead of the house, Shuuhei? You know how I feel about parading men in front of Ikkaku's face. He always comes first, I thought you knew that. I don't understand why you're so angry. Aren't supply closets and office desks supposed to be exciting?"

"You keep trying to deny what you feel, and you're prancing around teasing me all the time. You know exactly what you're doing. What's so wrong about being honest about it, huh? Doing it in a bed, huh? What, do you need the scenery to be more interesting due to your 'experience'?"

There was a pause then, and Ikkaku listened hard, eyes open but focused on nothing.

"Tread carefully," Yumichika hissed. "Do not cross me, Hisagi Shuuhei. I will not have you speak to me that way, so you had better stop insinuating that I am cheap, right this instant. You ought to feel honored. It's no wonder Kira couldn't put up with you anymore-"

"Shut your mouth, don't pretend like you aren't distancing yourself from me so you can still sleep around. I told you how I felt, and still you're just trying to flirt instead of really trying to make things work between us. You even told me that you thought we'd be happy."

"So I'm more of a whore for flirting with you endlessly, instead of jumping into bed like you want me to?"

"If the geta fit, wear 'em," Hisagi said cruelly, "You're in such fucking denial, it's unbelievable. I wonder if your precious Madarame knows just how shallow your beauty runs."

Ikkaku's eyes went wide at the sudden noise. That… That had been a slap. Yumichika had just hit Hisagi, probably in the face, judging from the way it had cut off his speech. He scrambled up as quietly as he could, peeking around the corner just in time to see Shuuhei punch Yumichika in the eye,  _hard_.

Ikkaku's mouth opened, and for one moment everything was silent except for the sleeping world outside. The sheer surprise that Hisagi had actually  _hit_  Yumichika really caught him off guard. A slap, that was so much different that straight up  _punching_ someone. Hisagi must've been really pissed off.

The second the surprise wore off, he started feeling the beginnings of anger, but as Yumichika bowed forward, clutching his eye, mumbling 'how dare you', Ikkaku decided that he wouldn't intervene. It would be a horrible blow to Yumichika's pride for him to interfere in his fight. Yumichika crouched down, weight backwards, and then lashed out, making to kick Hisagi in the gut, but was blocked equally quickly.

They stood there, locked against each other, and as Ikkaku watched, he heard Yumichika let out this little breathy noise, seeing him lick his lips slowly. Shuuhei let go, horrified for some reason, looking like he had bugs crawling all over him. Yumichika tried to hit him again, fist caught in Shuuhei's again.

"You… you  _hit_  me," Yumichika breathed, feeling over his cheek as Shuuhei's face pinched in anger and sorrow.

"You're gonna' learn one day that what you say to people  _hurts._  You're  _cruel,_  Yumichika, and I'm sicka' you breakin' my heart. When you decide to stop being such a bitch about all this, gimme' a call. Until then, work on your fucking shikai yourself and find some other man to string along."

" _Good riddance!"_  Yumichika shouted, shoving Shuuhei back bitterly, surprising him and Ikkaku with his noisiness, given how they had been fighting through whispers up until that point.

He felt so awful, so badly for Yumichika. He had known how much Yumichika had wanted things to work out. As much as Ikkaku wished they wouldn't see each other, he hoped that they would make up tomorrow, if only for the fact that Yumichika would be happy. Things like this happened. Yumichika had probably just caught Hisagi at a bad time, or gotten him tired and cranky with his incessant sparkling and chattering. Hisagi would take him back. Things would be fine again in the morning.

Ikkaku crept back to bed, staying awake for quite a while, until Yumichika came back into their room. Ikkaku closed his eyes, having seen the red rings under Yumichika's even in the dim light. Yumichika was hurting inside, and it made him feel bad, even though he knew it was the pretty boy's own fault. He could be really cold at times, and Ikkaku knew just how much Yumichika's words could sting those who weren't used to his games. Perhaps Hisagi didn't yet know the difference between Yumichika's idle meaningless chatter and what he really meant.

Yumichika did make it a bit difficult to read between the lines, but Ikkaku had had centuries to get used to this, and Hisagi hadn't. Maybe Hisagi didn't find value in a little harmless flirting; maybe he needed an honest spoken commitment. Yumichika did like to weasel out of things like that, always leaving a loophole for him to escape through should the need arise.

Still, even knowing that Yumichika had brought this upon himself, Ikkaku hated to hear him cry. Yumichika was tough and aloof, and he never let people get to him. Yumichika would get depressed, and Ikkaku could usually spot it through the fake smiles and cruel jibes, but Yumichika would always get through it without ever admitting a weakness. He never let anyone know when he was hurting, but here he was weeping quietly into his shaking fingers, and Ikkaku hated listening to it. It hurt his heart.

Yumichika sat next to Ikkaku's bed for a while, and Ikkaku pretended to be asleep, listening to the silence for what seemed like ages, enjoying the feeling of Yumichika rubbing his back and side through the blankets. He nearly flinched when Yumichika pressed a kiss onto his forehead without warning, stroking his cheek once with a sigh as he sniffled a little. "Oh, Ikkaku…" he heard Yumichika whisper, able to distinctly notice the tightness to his voice, identifying that he was trying not to cry anymore.

"Everything is so simple for you… My sweet friend…" Yumichika's hand slid over his head a few times, gently stroking his warm skin to help himself relax. Yumichika had used to do this when he was awake, back when he'd have a particularly harrowing fight in the Rukongai. Yumichika would rub his shoulders and neck, and would whisper in his ear while he cleaned his sword and bummed around, healing his wounds. Ikkaku had missed this, not realizing that it had been gone until he felt the familiar touch again."… I envy you so." Eventually Yumichika got up and went back to bed, talking to himself like he always did when he needed to calm himself down.

Ikkaku listened to Yumichika cry and sing quietly to himself until he fell asleep, and he suddenly wondered just how many times Yumichika had done this after he'd passed out drunk or after a hard day of training. How many nights had Yumichika hidden his pain like this, while he'd slept unaware, never noticing what he was keeping in?

Ikkaku reached up and touched the little spot that Yumichika had kissed, still feeling the warm breath there on his skin. Part of him wanted to creep over and crawl into Yumichika's bed and comfort him, like they had done when they were younger, roaming the Rukongai and holding each other for warmth. The distance between them had grown, and now their beds were like this, as far apart as they could possibly be in this room. Those happy days were gone, but the memories were still there, still fond and sweet. Ikkaku could admit that he missed those days, that he wanted them back, that he wanted to hold Yumichika and smell his hair and brush it, run it through his fingers, maybe.

Maybe it was time for some honesty,  _brutal_  honesty this time.

"I think I'm in love with you… maybe I've felt like that for a long while," he whispered, even though Yumichika was sleeping. Just practicing saying that out loud made it real to Ikkaku, made him realize just how nice it was to love somebody that he'd known for so long, his best friend who he trusted with everything.

"Even if you don't feel that way, I'll comfort you… about Shuuhei… I know that things didn't work out like you wanted, but… they say when one door closes, another opens."

Ikkaku trailed off, falling asleep, hand thrown out of bed as if he could reach out and take Yumichika's, even on the other side of the room. Suddenly, the distance between their hearts didn't seem so great.

* * *

"Mm." Renji woke up to Ichigo squeezing him around his middle, burrowing his face right into his sternum. He looked around and saw that it was still dark, and would be for some time. Great.

"Ugh," he groaned crankily. Ichigo just hummed, still loopy and painfully hard from what Renji could feel against his leg.

"Mm, you smell good…" Ichigo mumbled, cuddling with him viciously, squeezing tight. "You're nice and warm, like a big squishy dango." Renji snorted, blinking at the ceiling. At least after this he'd have an excuse to tell Ichigo that he was in denial, that Ichigo really did like him back when he wasn't being so damn defensive.

"Dango aren't-" He cut himself off. This was ridiculous. "Oh, go to sleep, you're fucking hammered."

Ichigo looked up at him with innocent eyes that were much too awake for Renji's liking. "I used a hammer once. I broke my thumb." As grouchy and sleep-deprived as Renji was, he had to try really hard not to laugh. "Hey, can you hammer me, Ren-"

Renji turned red to his own embarrassment, knowing that usually it was Ichigo who blushed at innuendos. The way Ichigo had been so sweet and innocently curious when saying that just got him going. He tried to keep control of himself, because he knew that there wouldn't be anything more wrong in the world than to take advantage of a sleepy-eyed, drugged-up, barely-of-age Kurosaki Ichigo.

"It's too early for this, don't say weird shit to me." He tried to shush Ichigo, but it didn't work. Ichigo just smiled at him, more freely than he could manage awake. He pressed his cheek into Renji's chest again, hugging him. Renji took advantage of this cuddly side to Ichigo, knowing that he'd never be this affectionate again. "I hope this wears off before the sun comes up."

"I love the sun. I'm gonna' take a picture of it so I can look at it all I want without burning my eyes out. It's genius."

"That's great. Go to sleep," he said sternly.

"You're so handsome, Renji." Renji fought back a smile, petting Ichigo's head in spite of himself, "How did that happen?"

"Stop talking, Ichigo," he said calmly, trying to get him to be quiet and go back to sleep. The idiot would babble all night if he could. If Renji could just get Ichigo to stop talking, he could wind down and go back on to sleeping this off. Luckily, he hadn't so much as thrown up earlier, so it would be smooth-sailing from here. Usually the biggest side effect of the drug was waking up in an alley and finding out that you'd gotten pregnant.

"I'm gonna' put you in a jar so I can look at you whenever I want," Ichigo said, as if he thought he had just came up with a great idea. Renji's heart squeezed a little, and he promised himself that it would no longer hurt when Ichigo pushed him away. He would never forget that Ichigo really did like him, despite what he said otherwise.

"Shh," Renji said back.

"I-"

"Shhhhh." Renji covered Ichigo's mouth. Ichigo went quiet for a grand total of three seconds. When he started talking again it wasn't as nonsensical, and it got Renji weak in the knees.

"Hmm," he sighed happily, "I like you." Renji's eyes opened up, heart pounding hard in his chest. "Renji… I'm mean to you a lot, and… I yell and hit you, but…" Ichigo yawned, petting Renji's stomach like a cat. "Suki… Suki da yo," he whispered, getting sleepy again.

Renji sighed, but smiled, eyes closing.

"Yeah… I like you too."

* * *

 

 _Knock, Knock, Who is there?_  
How can I get to anywhere?  
Knock, Knock, Am I gone?  
How could I, should I, carry on?


	6. Chapter 6

_Knock, Knock, opportunity just arrived at your door._

* * *

"Uggh," Ichigo groaned, rolling over and opening his eyes blearily. He felt like shit. Wait, was this his bed? Probably not; it was much too big. He was probably still in Soul Society, but he couldn't remember whose house he had slept over in.

"Finally awake, sleeping beauty?" That definitely wasn't Rukia.

"What happened last night?" Ichigo asked, aching all over, suddenly realizing with a jolt that he wasn't in the clothes he'd been wearing yesterday. Who the hell had changed him? Had they seen his underwear? Oh  _no,_  he couldn't remember. It was on the tip of his brain's tongue, but he couldn't get it to compute quite yet. "What the fuck?" That was the most eloquent thing he could manage to say at the moment.

"Someone drugged you," Renji answered blandly, staring back at him as he ate a piece of fried egg off of a plate.

"Who did?"

"How should I know? I just took care of your horny drunk ass for all of last night."

"Oh yeah?" Ichigo's eyes narrowed at Renji as he pointed at him accusingly. " _You're_ the one who asked me on a date, you frickin' weirdo.  _You_  probably wanted to date-rape me." As the idea occurred to him, he panicked, feeling over his own body, wondering if all his orifices were intact.

"Oh shut up, you don't even know what you're talking about, you idiot. Your ass would hurt so damn bad if someone had done that to you," Renji griped, handing him a glass of milk and a piece of toast. "Just be quiet and get up so we can talk. You'll probably remember on your own, anyway. I'll be out waiting for ya'." With that, Renji left Ichigo there to his fucked-up thoughts, going and waiting in the front room on the couch.

It was coming back to Ichigo now, the delirious nature of his thoughts, the way he'd been uncontrollably horny, how his feelings for Renji had just flown out of his mouth when he'd had his wall of controlled speech taken down. It was like everything he'd thought had been spoken aloud, and it was fucking embarrassing. He'd done a lot of things that he never would've done sober, but he didn't actually regret them for one reason, even though it was embarrassing.

There was one irrefutable fact that shone above all of this garbage: Renji was telling the truth about having feelings for him.

Renji had had an opportunity to ravish him, to take advantage of him while his judgement was shot to hell, but he  _hadn't_. Renji had taken care of him when he'd been dopey and lame and overly-chatty. Renji really did care, and hadn't been joking when he'd asked him on that date.

When Ichigo's impulse-control had been taken away, all of his subconscious thoughts came out a lot easier, and it had forced him to acknowledge that he was interested in pursuing something, whatever this was that they had going between them.

Ichigo stumbled out of bed, stretching, thinking that Renji, a man like that, a man with honor, no matter how dorky and stupid he was, deserved a fighting chance... a chance while he was lucid and in complete control of his mental faculties. Besides, Renji was tough, loyal, and really really attractive. Those tattoos drove Ichigo nuts, even now that he wasn't uncontrollably aroused from the drugs.

"I think I'm ready for that date," he said as soon as he entered the room, not giving himself the chance to change his mind. He knew he'd made the right decision when Renji's face lit up. "Where ya' takin' me?"

He didn't really give a fuck where they went. All that mattered was that he'd finally gotten it out of his mouth that he wanted to let Renji date him. It was all downhill from here.

Renji looked like he was trying to keep from getting his hopes up, but was desperately eager to believe what he was saying. "Even though all this crap happened? I thought that was just drunk-talk when you said that you liked me back. I mean, I know it's not the best circumstances for us to get together over, because, I mean… someone had the intention of knocking you out and… Well, it's just… I mean… This wouldn't be a good story to tell a year from now."

Ichigo sniffed, wiping his face compulsively in awkwardness, not meeting Renji's eyes. "Well… Ya' know, I… I dunno', things are clearer now, and… well, I wasn't exactly lying when I said that… I think… Well… I like you," he said plainly, fidgeting. "And… I wanna' try. Yeah."

"Well, okay," Renji grinned. "Sorry for like… touching you while you were all loopy… I thought you were just acting weird for a while, and then the drug just kicked in all of a sudden. So, I'm sorry, I just didn't know…"

"It's okay, I didn't either," Ichigo said wryly, scratching at the back of his head compulsively. "It _is_  kinda' embarrassing. I guess I have ta' watch my drinks better."

"Hey, not your fault. If anything, we're lucky I was brave enough to drag you here to make out, because if we hadn't, whoever had slipped that into your food woulda' gotten you whenever the effects kicked in. Just the thought of it pisses me off... Somebody sneakin' around waitin' ta' get ya'…"

"Well… Nothing happened, so," Ichigo said awkwardly, still not liking the idea of being defenseless against some nasty person who had wanted to rape him for fun. He could imagine how that would go. Rumors would start to spread about their 'conquest', he'd be publicly shamed... Eesh, that would be a train-wreck. "I'll be more careful. Besides, if it happens again, you can just make sure that I'm fine."

Renji looked at him seriously, repeating Ichigo's weird joke from the previous day. "If it happens again, I'll find them, and then I'll cut their head off and bury it in a field."

"Burn it first," Ichigo said with a straight face. Holy shit. Renji laughed again, this time not trying to contain his smile like he had the first time.

"Well, okay, where should we go?" Renji asked eagerly. "We gotta' do something else other than spar for a date, because that's just… We should do something else." Ichigo thought for a moment.

"Let's go play on the roof."

"You fucking idiot," Renji said with a blasé tone.

"Hey, humans don't get ta' fucking fly or stand up in the air like that. It's fun to do when I'm not fighting for my life. You can take me around the Rukongai later too, if ya' want. They look like they have some sick candy-stores."

"Well, fine, you dork. Let's play tag on the roof, then. Just don't let Kusajishi-fukutaichou see," Renji said, rolling his eyes. Ichigo punched him in the shoulder and then yanked his face down to his, kissing him deeply.

Renji stumbled back. "What the fuck was that?!" Ichigo had just been all awkward and half-grossed out looking, and then he'd just done that out of nowhere. It had really thrown him off.

"Whatever you wanna' call it," Ichigo said, slightly red in the face at Renji's reaction.

Renji stared at him for a while, obviously fighting down the urge to just grab Ichigo and strip him naked. Then he just came out with it, saying, "Screw it, do you wanna' mess around?"

"Yes. Yes, I do." That was when they heard the alarm. "Aw fuck. Could the timing have been worse?! I mean, killin' shit is a good tension release, but come  _on!_ The moment I get my ass in gear and finally do somethin', the universe is like 'No, Ichigo! You've gotta' stay a virgin like you wanted!' It's  _nuts!_ "

"That's what they call instant karma," Renji pipped. "It's a message from the universe." Ichigo rolled his eyes, punching him as he ran around looking for Zangetsu, slinging the heavy sword over his back as Renji got ready.

"Oh, be careful today. Division Twelve reported that this new type of hollow can only be taken down by kidou, but most people don't believe that. They're sending in Division Eleven for some fucktard-ish reason. I mean, even if the kidou thing is a weirdo rumor, why would they risk sending those kidou-retarded idiots?"

"Oh geez, they're gonna' die."

"Yep. That is, unless Unohana knocks 'em out for long enough to heal their wounds."

"Ugh. A sacka' morons, that's what they are."

* * *

"Ikkaku, it's time to-" Yumichika trailed off, standing in the doorway. Ikkaku stared back at him in surprise and embarrassment, freaking out a little and scrambling back in his office chair. Of course, when Yumichika realized what he'd been doing, it didn't take more than a second for that smug knowing grin to come over his face.

"How do you like it when someone walks in on  _you?"_  Ikkaku just sat there, blocking his eyes with a hand, pouting and embarrassed, shoving his erection back in his hakama. Yumichika came forward, making a grab for him, but Ikkaku shoved backwards away from him, so embarrassed that he was wishing for lightning to strike him dead on the spot. Yumichika had never caught him doing something anywhere  _near_  as embarrassing as this.

God, why did he have to get the urge to masturbate right at the moment Yumichika had been walking by? He probably hadn't jerked off in a straight three months, and yet Yumichika had caught him the one time he finally decided to.

This was probably just karmic payback for walking in on Yumichika those times. It was too much of a coincidence.

The next time Yumichika made a grab for him, he got him, making Ikkaku gasp and stop fighting as Yumichika's skillful hand squeezed him just right. He looked up at Yumichika uncertainly, seeing nothing other than his cruel teasing reflected on his face. His fingers twitched, knowing that he should push his vixen of a friend away, but he selfishly allowed the touch, feeling a little thrill of fear starting to creep up his neck. For some reason, Yumichika taking control of him and bossing him around turned him on even more. This fear was making him get even harder under his friend's touch.

"Poor thing, what has you in such a state?"

Ikkaku just grumbled, pushing him back with his foot, not letting Yumichika's 'wiles' get to him. Yumichika was teasing, always with that little smile and those eyes that told him that they were just friends, just best friends and never more.

"That's what you get," Yumichika said smugly, turning around and prancing away. "That's what you get for not listening to me. It's karma coming back to you." Ikkaku could hear plainly in Yumichika's voice that he thought his humiliation was hilarious.

"God, you make it sound like I'm some pervert-"

Yumichika just laughed shaking his head, "Come on, then, big boy, didn't you hear the alarm, or were you otherwise occupied?"

"Shut  _up_ , Yumichika!" Ikkaku shouted, following after him uncomfortably, walking while grabbing at his crotch awkwardly.

"Can you still fight with a h-" Ikkaku shoved Yumichika to shut him up, and Yumichika just laughed harder, continuing on. They had known each other for centuries, known each and every private little detail about each other. They could comfort each other, chase away tears, take care of each other through sickness and grief, but something like this, this could destroy them.

Ikkaku suddenly felt as if he had run out of time, as if all his happiness was slipping away. It pained him deeply to see Yumichika there, dancing away, silhouette dark against the sun spilling through the paper walls and the door at the end of the hall. He was losing everything, and it scared him.

They were toeing a dangerous line, and he knew it. One step too far, and he would become just another one of Yumichika's men that had used him for his beauty and nothing more. Yumichika would toss him out, thinking him shallow and undeserving, thinking him a threat, thinking of him as something that could hurt him, that could destroy him. Ikkaku's years of vigilance and security, his ever-trusting friendship, all that would be meaningless if he made himself into just another rube, another brute who wanted to pay Yumichika and leave.

Yumichika would turn his back on him and become cold to protect himself. Ikkaku would lose everything; he felt that his time had run short, that he was running out of time to say 'I love you', and 'You're my best friend', and 'Please, don't ever leave or change.' His time was running out, and it was devastating to his poor, crooked, lonely heart.

Inside, he was breaking, but Yumichika just laughed, prancing away in front of him with that glowing body and that bouncy little walk of his. He had seen the sight so many times, not Yumichika walking away per se, but seeing Yumichika be so cheerful and carefree, so jubilant and bright, even through the harshest of pain or circumstance; Yumichika sang when he wanted to cry, he made beautiful things when he was hurting within, and he smiled when he felt like dying.

He was strong, a perfect dangerous little flower growing in a desert or in an ever stormy tundra. Yumichika was always there to shed a light, to provide a fragment of beauty and hope within his bleak violent life. Yumichika was always there for him, he was always strong, he always carried on, even when he himself was hurting so badly. He was always focused on Ikkaku, despite what his self-centered attitude suggested.

It made him feel nostalgic, thinking of times he'd seen sun shine through Yumichika's long hair, and the smell of wildflowers in a warm field. He thought of darkness and snow, of dirty blankets and dying campfires, of Yumichika's cold skinny arms wrapped around him. He thought of breaking bones and miles of hot stinging sand, of empty sake bottles and piles of gorgeous hair that had been sliced away with a kitchen knife. He thought of the years, the tears, and the special love that they shared. It was still there. Yumichika was still there, even if this time he was walking on ahead of him, not concerned with looking back or seeing if he was following.

Yumichika wasn't looking at him; he was trusting that he was following. He was laughing that sweet snotty little laugh, beckoning Ikkaku to follow him to war. Everything was fine. Everything would be okay. This silly nonsense hadn't changed anything. Things could've been over, they  _still_  could be. Time could run out and things could change, but they hadn't just yet. No, he still had a little time left. Ikkaku supposed that it could've been worse.

No... no more supposing. He was biting the fucking bullet, right the fuck  _now_.

Suddenly, he broke out of his sad nostalgic trance and grabbed Yumichika by the back of his uniform, not caring that they were being called to battle or that someone might come looking for them. Yumichika looked at him in questioning annoyance.

Ikkaku slammed him against the fragile paper and wood wall, pressed up against him, and kissed him viciously, never mind that Ikkaku had no business kissing anyone when he had no idea how, especially not Yumichika, who had years of experience under his belt, crowds of people he'd seduced and been used by. His attempts were probably pathetic in the face of someone like Ayasegawa Yumichika, but that didn't matter now. All that mattered was this moment and the glorious tension between them. Yumichika was just as voracious in returning the kiss, humming and grabbing him around the neck, holding his face and sliding his leg up him so sinfully that Ikkaku wanted to carry him away like the spoils of war, to lock him up and never let him go.

His hands twitched, wanting to grab his ass, which was placed the perfect distance away from his greedy fingers. Oh, they fit together so nicely, as if Yumichika was meant to be in his arms, so closely molded against his body that they seemed like puzzle pieces or a sugar bowl with a perfectly crafted lid. Yumichika smelled so good, and his hair was so soft running through his fingers. His skin was like satin, and his velvet lips were moist and pliant against his own inexperienced mouth, and he wanted this to never end.

Even after all these years, Yumichika still took his breath away, still kept him interested. He wanted more and more,  _always_ more. He wanted Yumichika really badly, but refrained from going overboard. He was a man of action, but he had words too. The line, he remembered, he was toeing a fine line, and he had to be careful.

"I want you," he whispered, confirming it aloud as he let Yumichika pull him back in and dominate his mouth with his experienced silver tongue. Oh, he  _loved_  this. This was just what he needed, just what he wanted. This was real, only this, only Yumichika under his hands. He was getting lost in the feeling, heart pounding so heavily and with such force, that he thought it might stop if Yumichika left. This person he'd had the honor and luck of meeting so long ago, to have them be his sweetheart would be like a dream, a dream come true, a crazy streak of luck. It would be perfect, the crowning jewel and success of his miserable life, forget becoming the next Kenpachi.

"What brought this on, hm?" Yumichika asked with that seductive voice that Ikkaku had heard so many times be used to wile men into Yumichika's web, ahem,  _bed._  This time, those smoldering eyes, those sinfully precise fingers, that voice that turned bones to water, it was finally for  _him_.

"There's always that distance between us… Best friends for centuries… Are you sure you want to cross this line? This is the one thing in the world that we cannot come back from."

Ikkaku drew back, unsure now that Yumichika had spoken his own worries aloud. Honesty, he remembered, honesty. He had to be up front; he couldn't play games and prance around the truth like Yumichika did. He had to show him that he was different, that he could be special and true to him.

"I… It's not just that… I've got… strong feelings… for you," Ikkaku whispered, trying to connect their mouths again, but Yumichika pushed him back, suddenly having turned cold. His heart dropped.

"Ikkaku," Yumichika said sternly, looking at him with faux-disgust. It already wasn't working, and he hadn't even heard the reason why not yet. Whatever Yumichika was trying to chase him off with wasn't going to work. Ikkaku could tell that Yumichika's coldness was an act; Yumichika was afraid of something, trying to purposefully drive him away. It wasn't going to work; he wouldn't let it. "You can't be with me. Ou-"

"Shut up," Ikkaku said gently, using the rough phrase in the place of a 'hush'. Yumichika was used to it, so he didn't grow upset over it; in fact, he seemed to like the brutal honesty, the bluntness about him. He pressed a callused finger to Yumichika's soft lips, cornering him against the wall. Yumichika let him, but looked back cautiously. "Don't give me any excuses. I don't care if it's gonna' destroy our friendship, get us fired, bla bla, chase Shuuhei away, you don't feel the same way, that's all  _bullshit_  and you know it. I know you too well for any of that to work on me, and you know that. So tell me straight… Don't you think I can take it?"

Yumichika looked back. "Just trust my judgement. This is for our own good; it's something colossal that will change the course of our friendship…" Yumichika shook his head, "And I can't take that onto my shoulders, knowing that I…" He sighed, bringing a hand up to his forehead. Ikkaku was getting frustrated and antsy, feeling his time slipping away as keenly as the rush of sand through his fingers.

"That you what, what is the problem here? What are you afraid of?!" Ikkaku shouted at him, causing Yumichika to flinch at the close proximity. "We've known each other for so long! What could you possibly be worried about?!"

"You could never understand."

"What, you don't think I'd be faithful?" Ikkaku asked, face falling as he tried desperately to get Yumichika to reconsider. Yumichika couldn't say no now that Ikkaku knew that he wanted him back. Things would be perfect, they would be golden, and all Yumichika had to do was trust him, take his hand, and say yes. His heart was breaking, and it hurt so badly, so much worse than any physical wound he'd ever felt. He couldn't take this; it was tearing him apart.

"I'd do whatever ya' wanted, I'd, I'd… I wouldn't step out on ya'… I'm not a dog, I wouldn't even _look_  at anyone else but you… I… I'd be loyal ta' you," he promised breathlessly, trying to meet Yumichika's eyes. "Don't you have faith in us? We're best friends. This would be so great, to be together like this… We could be even closer than we are now… It would be so nice… I… Don't you know that I… I  _love_ you," he said clumsily, not sounding as strong as he was trying to stay. Everything was crumbling, and all his strength and confidence was flooding away. Yumichika just couldn't deny this, he couldn't reject him or he would  _die._

"It would be perfect," Ikkaku whispered anxiously, feeling that he had already lost. "I love you, Yumichika, you dickhead… Wh-…" He cut himself off for a moment, looking around, swallowing, "You… You can't say that this isn't real, things would be great… I'd make you happy, I'd try so hard… Things would be perfect," he frowned, head bowing. He didn't often lose, and having so much taken from him all at one time was leaving him crippled. There was a tightness rising in his throat, and a light fluttery feeling in his gut, and worse, it was growing hard to see.

"I know that," Yumichika said sadly, but held his resolve, "and we  _would_  be wonderful together, a beautiful couple. I know that we'd be happy… But it just can't be," Yumichika said, shaking his head. "There is something big that you don't understand, something that if explored thoroughly, would ruin everything. It would make you hate me. It would ruin my life and yours, the life we have together as friends, the life we have as coworkers… and the life that we could have together in the future as sweethearts… And I can't sacrifice that… No matter how selfish I become, I will never be selfish for this… I won't do it. I won't."

"What…" Ikkaku searched in confusion, eyebrows furrowed as he tried to think of what could possibly be making Yumichika say this. It was sounding like Yumichika was sacrificing himself or something, sacrificing his happiness for his sake, and Ikkaku didn't _want_ him to. Had someone found out about his bankai, and Yumichika was trying to keep them quiet? What, what could he be protecting him from? "What, does Hisagi have some dirt on you that you don't want me to find out? You slept with him or something? It's okay, I'm not mad. I'll still want you… What's to worry about? I know everything about you, what could possibly make me think any less of you, Yumichika?"

Yumichika said nothing, but his eyes said it all. Ikkaku backed up with a sigh, disappointed.

"The truth is ugly; that is why I must keep silent. I'm not saying I don't want you, because I do… I do love you… desperately," Yumichika whispered, eyes flicking down, "And loving you is a secret that I've kept for years, and I'm thrilled that you feel the same way… It's beyond my wildest dreams, but…" Yumichika looked back at him and then turned away.

Ikkaku heard the unspoken words like they'd been spoken plain as day. ' _T_ _hat's not the only secret I've been keeping.'_

"Come along, Ikkaku. We're being left behind," Yumichika said, not looking back, and for once, it dawned on Ikkaku that Yumichika was turning away from him and leaving behind what they could've had. Yumichika was sacrificing his own happiness to keep whatever secret he had. If what Yumichika was saying was true, he'd been pining after him for years, and now he was walking away from his dream, which had been laid out before him. He was making a sacrifice, probably one of greater magnitude than Ikkaku could even fathom, not knowing what secret he was keeping in for his sake.

Ikkaku watched on, stewing in gloom and disappointment as he watched his almost-love leave for war, and he realized, that Yumichika had always followed him and never questioned his decisions. Yumichika listened to him even when his ideas were stupid; he always followed him and remained loyal. Yumichika had followed him through the slums of the Rukongai, through the academy even at the price of his beautiful hair, through hopeless battles, through death itself, through  _everything._  Yumichika always followed him.

And this time, he was walking away.

* * *

_I know you're home, so why won't you open up and let me in?_


	7. Chapter 7

_When death comes knocking at your door… What was that saying again?_

* * *

"What the fuck was that?"

Yumichika turned around, shoulders hunched up around his ears in absolute dread. Oh no, this was what he'd been afraid of.

He'd thought it had been safe, as long as no one could see. His division was too unrefined to sense that his spiritual pressure had morphed into that which was characteristic of kidou blades. As long as he had been under the cover of the shady forest, everything should've been fine. He could keep Ikkaku from dying, and the rest of the division as well, he supposed, although they weren't as important.

He'd messed up. He'd been caught. Ikkaku had followed him, and he hadn't anticipated that. It was always the other way around, him following Ikkaku, who never even looked back once to make sure he was there. Ikkaku never doubted, never faltered, but today it seemed that he had followed him instead of enjoying his fights without any second thoughts. Yumichika hadn't seen that coming.

He was done for. His secret was out, and it caused his heart to squeeze painfully. Ikkaku was going to figure it out, and that would be the beginning of the end.

"How… How did you just... Nobody could even give them a  _scratch!"_ Ikkaku shouted in disbelief. Yumichika just stared back, noticing that attention was being called to them because of Ikkaku's shouting. Yumichika's eyes darted around frantically as he took a step back out of instinct. No, he couldn't run. That would bring him even more dishonor.

"Of course they couldn't," Yumichika hissed wearily, "Our division is made up of all attack-type swords, you fool."

"… Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

" _Am_  I?" Yumichika asked sourly. Then he turned to Kenpachi who had arrived at the scene just as disbelieving as Ikkaku. Yumichika sighed, putting his face in his hand for a few moments, foot tapping erratically as he sheathed his sword.

"How the hell did you do that?"

"It's kidou, alright? I have a kidou sword, and I've been lying to you for centuries," Yumichika spat bitterly, head down. "I have deceived you and concealed my shameful ways. I shall resign with dishonorable leave, Captain."

"Woah, woah,  _what_  is going on here? _"_

"What? Is that the reason?" Ikkaku asked flatly, staring at Yumichika with narrowed eyes. Yumichika didn't get what he was talking about; all he could do was wait for Ikkaku to disown him, to  _hate_ him. "That's the reason, isn't it.  _That's_  the reason you can't be with me?"

Yumichika just looked at him, eyes distant and pained, but he held his resolve, determined not to make a bigger fool of himself.

Ikkaku walked towards him, and Yumichika took another step back, not saying anything. He couldn't bear to see Ikkaku so upset with him, and the worst part was that he had nothing to say in his own defense. He was completely at fault here. It was his fault that Ikkaku was upset.

"Yes."

The moment the word left Yumichika's mouth, Ikkaku punched him in the face so hard that he was knocked over, skidding back across the grass, finally coming to a stop at the foot of a tree. He just lay there on his back in pain, not even thinking of the bruise and the stippled blood he would get on his face.

Ikkaku had  _hit_  him. He had no honor, no beauty. He would have to live in shame forever because of this. Ikkaku hated him.

"You're so fucking stupid! You're always talking to me about being hard-headed, but  _this?!_ " Ikkaku spat, tone still twisted with fury as he yanked Yumichika up by the front of his uniform.

Yumichika flinched back, resisting the urge to protect his face with his arms, but Ikkaku just grabbed him by the back of the neck and did something he was even less prepared for. Ikkaku was kissing him in front of everybody.

When he pulled back, he yelled in Yumichika's face again, " _Stupid,_ Yumichika, you're  _stupid!"_ He hit him upside the head  _hard_ , ruining his perfect hair that had stayed in place even through battle.

Yumichika just stood there where he was holding him by the neck of his clothes, staring at him with big round eyes and a hint of wariness, eyebrows scrunching up. There was silence for a few seconds, and he could hear Kenpachi mutter that he didn't know what the fuck was going on with his division these days.

"Taichou, if you fire this fucking dumbass, I'm going too," Ikkaku said, not even turning to look at the man he'd devoted his life to following. He was still looking at Yumichika, so fucking mad that he could hardly keep himself from kicking Yumichika's ass all the way home.

"Tch', I'll kick his ass if he tries to leave before fighting me."

Yumichika just stared at the two of them for a few seconds, not moving a muscle or even blinking, eyes flicking between the two of them as if he was trying to prove to himself that this was a dream.

Ikkaku wondered if he was going to faint dead away, or if he had gone into shock. He shook him a little, jolting Yumichika back to earth. His cheek was badly bruised, but his eyes were bright and hopeful.

"What are you doing?" Yumichika asked in confusion, looking suspicious. "You're angry. You  _hit_  me. What are you doing?" He shook his head in disbelief, wondering what the hell he was seeing.

Ikkaku had hit him in anger, but then kissed him and… what? Ikkaku had even said that he was going to leave the division for his sake. He had been prepared for the anger, but not  _this,_  whatever  _this_  was.

"What are  _you_  doing?" Ikkaku retorted flatly. Yumichika made a little confused noise, not knowing what the hell was going on.

"You killed the core in one fucking hit, and everything else died. I saw it. You figured out that kidou was the only solution, and you kept all of us idiots from getting slaughtered. You're the one kidou user in the division now, right?"

"… Right?" Yumichika answered uncertainly as if he were afraid to be wrong.

"Don't you think it's a sign?"

"A sign that I'm a loser?" Yumichika asked in confusion. Ikkaku rolled his eyes and threw the stupid thing over his shoulder. Yumichika was so confused and shocked that he let him do so. "What… What are you doing?!"

"What are  _you-"_

"Oh,  _be quiet!"_  Yumichika snapped, ignoring the stares of his division as Ikkaku carried him away without regard for any of them. "This is no way to…  _What are you doing?!"_

"I'm gonna' take you home and ravish you. Isn't that what everyone does when they carry someone like this?"

"No. Only if they're ugly barbarians."

"We'll see about that, you brat. You're so fucking stupid sometimes, it's unbelievable, you dumbass. How could I be mad that my best friend is a badass who can get more powerful by fucking eating his enemies? If Taichou thinks that's not the coolest thing, then he can fire us, and we'll go rogue. Won't that be fun?"

Yumichika just scowled, using an elbow to prop his chin up as he watched the captain, fukutaichou, and his subordinates grow farther away, all of them still staring at them in confusion. He wasn't any closer to figuring it out than they were. Yumichika began drumming his fingers on Ikkaku's back in irritation.

' _You know what? I'm not wasting any more time thinking about this ugly idiocy… I suppose that could've gone worse. A_ lot _worse.'_

"What's your problem, blossom?" Ikkaku asked roughly when Yumichika had been quiet and still for a while, letting himself be carried and humiliated in public as he was towed through the crowds of shinigami who were confused as to why all the enemies had disappeared.

" _You're not running fast enough,"_  Yumichika said with a crooked smile.

Ikkaku stopped dead, getting hard. He just grinned and started running with renewed fervor. That was an invitation if he'd ever heard one.

Ikkaku would run home, lay Yumichika down on the bed, take off all of their clothes, and then make sweet love to him. No questions asked, no time to be nervous or clueless about his performance, no worrying about what the captain would say to them tomorrow. Nothing existed in Ikkaku's world right now except the two of them.

He'd always been a straightforward guy.

* * *

_Knock, Knock  
_ _Who's there?_  
Me. Open the fuck up.  
What the hell was the punchline?

_*Looks at fist* *punches*_

* * *

_~ Fin ~_

* * *

AN- Stay tuned for the bonus chapter, a lemon epilogue!  
\- Yes. That ending was a huge rip off, and I'm fully aware of that.

 


	8. Epilogue

"C'mon, don't just chicken out... I'll be gentle."

"Shut up, I  _hate_  you." Ichigo punched him, still red in the face and worked up from Renji's skilled hands.

"You don't mean that."

"I know."

Renji groaned, rolling his eyes. "C'mon, It'll be good. I promise, it'll be good. It'll feel goo-"

"God, shut  _up!_  Just leave me alone," Ichigo said irrationally, not protesting when Renji grabbed him, kneeling behind him on the bed. He bit his neck and left a hickey, getting behind him and feeling up his comparably smaller body. Ichigo went slack, letting Renji hold him, caving in to the dominant hands, getting turned on by the illusion of being powerless. Renji couldn't make him do this after all. He was letting him take control; he could stop any time he wanted, and he didn't want to.

"It's... You..." Ichigo's eyes slipped closed as Renji grabbed him through his loose hakama, squeezing the bulge that was poking out in plain sight, a little black bump under his hand.

"I what?" Pausing in biting Ichigo's neck long enough to say something hadn't been a good idea, because Ichigo regained his senses at lightening speed, jabbing his elbow hard into his ribs and scrambling away.

"You-  _aaah!"_ Renji grabbed him by the seat of his pants before Ichigo could curse him, and yanked him back, not letting him get away.

"Get back here! You're so full of bologna it's insane! What made you change your mind? Ya' wanted to mess around earlier! Why the change of heart?"

"Shut up, you... you, you-"

"You  _what?!_  Spit it out!"

Ichigo got stuck, not knowing what to call Renji or how to insult him, so he just gaped helplessly for a moment as Renji grabbed him and lay back, making him straddle him, knowing that Ichigo was having trouble putting aside his pride. Ichigo had always needed to put up the proper amount of resistance for himself to feel that he was still strong, still proper and in control or something, and now that resistance was getting in the way.

Ichigo couldn't get past that with his pride intact, but Renji didn't care. He'd  _make_ him get past it. It wasn't as if Ichigo didn't want to do this. It was just that Ichigo didn't  _want_  to want to do this. Ichigo was scared of something. It was stupid, really, but Renji understood, and he'd help convince him so that he wouldn't be so gun-shy. Ichigo flopped forward in surprise, catching himself by putting his hands against Renji's chest.

Renji grinned, ponytail growing messy. He slid his hands up Ichigo's thighs, gripping his hips and pressing upwards with a needy growl. Ichigo went red when he felt the bulge being ground against him. His hands absently went down to his own crotch, rubbing himself through his hakama, looking back down at Renji whilst biting a hole in his own lip. He was becoming conflicted.

"You... You're..." As much as Ichigo wanted to say something forward and truthful like 'sexy as fuck', the words wouldn't come out, and all he could do was avert his eyes and sit there nervously, letting Renji touch him. After all, he didn't know how to admit what he wanted, but he didn't want to leave either. It seemed that the drug had given him a lot of courage earlier, because he was feeling at a loss now.

Renji just looked up at him, laying there with a dazed smile on his face, enjoying having Ichigo straddle him. Maybe someday the kid would get confident enough to pin him down like this and ride him with some sexy look on his face, teasing the hell out of him. Just the thought of it made him twitch, and he could see that Ichigo felt it when he jumped a little, looking down. "I'm what?" he asked, prompting Ichigo to finish his sentence.

"Stupid," Ichigo spat bitterly, pouting to himself.

"Aw, c'mon... Don't ya' wanna' do it with me?..." Renji asked, smile fading, growing disappointed. Of course, he didn't want to do it if Ichigo truly didn't want to. He didn't want that on his conscience. It wouldn't be right. "Ya' wanted to earlier... What, are ya' scared-"

" _No,_ " Ichigo said vehemently, denying it, even though it was somewhat, kind of, maybe the truth.

"Well then, what's the matter? I'm not gonna' tell... or... It's not like I'm gonna' toss you out or pretend like nothing happened afterwards... I  _like_  ya'... I wanna' take you on dates an' shit... Don't you wanna' do it with me?"

With a tremendous amount of willpower, Ichigo exhaled all of his frustration and pride, making an effort to be tolerant. "Yeah... Alright..." Ichigo gave in, sitting there awkwardly as Renji eagerly leaned back and got comfortable, letting Ichigo undress him. Ichigo hesitantly ran his hands down Renji's chest, admiring his large muscles and his tattoos, but was wary of Renji's watchful eyes. He didn't do much exploring out of nervousness, fiddling around for a while as he opened the tie to Renji's hakama, pulling up the front flap to release the insisting bulge that was kept inside.

When he pulled the fabric away, Ichigo's eyes bulged, getting big and round as his cheeks flushed, seeming to be intimidated by Renji's size. He was starting to doubt that he could do this without being split in two. Maybe he shouldn't do this. Maybe he should change his mind. Oh, but Renji just looked so arousing, so abounding in masculinity and power, laying out before him with all he had to give. There was no way he could back out of this opportunity. Renji might not give him another chance if he denied him now.

"Wow..." he mumbled, peeking through his fingers at Renji's thick erection. Renji just grinned at him, averting his eyes a little so Ichigo could feel free to take his time. Ichigo looked closer now that Renji wasn't watching him do so, and he noticed that the bold black lines that had spread all over Renji's body in a tribal pattern were present here too.

His own erection got a little harder. There was something erotic about it, Renji's tattoos, and he wanted to trace them with his fingers and his tongue so badly, but no, he didn't want Renji to watch him do so. It was too embarrassing.

"What the hell? You actually got tattoos on your dick?! Didn't that hurt?!" Ichigo shriek-whispered incredulously, grabbing at his own crotch in phantom pain. Any man who let a needle anywhere near there had to be insane. That was hardcore as fuck. Let no man say that Abarai Renji was faint of heart.

"Ugh,  _yes_ , what do you  _think?_  Don't even mention it, I still have dreams about that," Renji cringed, rolling his eyes. Ichigo nodded, getting a little closer, holding out a hand as if he was about to pet an animal that might bite him. His eyes flicked up to Renji, who was watching in fascination and arousal, half drooling and about to get a nose bleed.

"Don't fucking look at me with your stupid face! Stop!" Ichigo shouted angrily, causing Renji to hush him up with a loud 'Shh'.

"Stop watching, I said. I'll only do it if you close your eyes," Ichigo mumbled, face ablaze as he made Renji put a hand over his eyes. Renji just laughed a little, leaning back further, arm over his face, trying to take the pressure off of Ichigo. Of course he was going to peek, but only a little bit to keep the poor boy from being too embarrassed.

He watched Ichigo bite at his lip a little, and then the teen deliberately reached out and touched him. Renji immediately twitched, making a pleased little noise when Ichigo gripped him hard, making a real effort to do well.

The look on Ichigo's face told Renji that he was nervous and unsure, trying to work past it. For a moment, Renji thought he would back out, but Ichigo didn't, leaning down with an anxious swallow.

Was he really going to-

Then Renji felt it, and he immediately clenched his gut up to keep from losing control of himself. He couldn't come quickly today if he was really going to get Ichigo in bed with him.

Renji could see from the gap under his arm, Ichigo was hesitantly sticking out his tongue and giving the head of his cock an experimental lick. Ichigo seemed to mull over the taste for a moment, before giving it another cautious try, swirling his tongue around in a little circle, increasing the pressure. Renji gave a low guttural groan.

"Yeah, just like that..." he whispered, shuddering as Ichigo finally took him into his mouth, sucking a little. Renji was more vocal than normal today to give Ichigo some confidence. The poor kid needed it.

Ichigo wrapped his fingers around the base of his cock, moving his hakama down a little, and he moved his head down to take him in a little deeper, not enough to choke himself, which he seemed to be extremely wary of. Renji was sure to keep his hips glued to the bed to keep Ichigo from getting paranoid. Nobody liked gagging.

Ichigo sucked a little harder, moving his head slowly as he got used to the feeling. Renji moaned lowly, a hand going down to hold the back of Ichigo's head. When Ichigo withdrew, he gripped Renji hard, licking along his slit teasingly, glancing up at him. Immediately he stopped, growling in anger, cheeks turning red. "Stop fucking  _looking!"_

"Aw c'mon, babe, ya' look so hot!" Ichigo just crossed his arms grumpily, feeling betrayed, not looking at him. "C'mon, don't be mad..." Renji nudged him, and Ichigo still didn't look at him, a miserable expression on his face. "... Fine, I won't look, just stop being so pitiful."

"I guess you can look... just... don't..." Ichigo seemed to be afraid of being made fun of or something, which Renji could understand. "It's  _embarrassing."_

"Okay, okay, I promise I won't tease, just try again," Renji begged, laying back again with a smile. Ichigo blushed, looking at him warily as he tried again, breath just a little shaky.

"Were my teeth hurting you?" he asked in concern, leaning down to start again. Renji shook his head, saying that it felt good, but still to be careful. "Okay."

Ichigo spat into his own hand, stroking Renji a couple times with a blush, determinedly not looking at Renji. Then he took him into his mouth again, trying to go deeper, sucking when he came back up to the tip. A little trickle of salty precum leaked into his mouth. It wasn't so bad, really. If he thought of it as if he was doing it on himself, it wasn't so bad at all. It was just a little nerve-wracking to be watched so closely.

"Hm? How's that?" Ichigo asked, licking around the sensitive head, sucking teasingly. It was getting easier all the time now that his mouth wasn't so dry from anxiety.

"Real good, baby… Ah… yeah," Renji stroked Ichigo's hair with one hand, the other behind his own head, propping himself up on his pillows as Ichigo attempted to pleasure him. He wasn't very skilled, of course, but Renji was still hard as a rock, letting Ichigo go at his own pace.

It was probably better that Ichigo wasn't good enough at this to get him to cum, because Renji needed his stamina for later.

"Okay, ya' ready, babe?" Renji asked, loving the view of Ichigo's shy eyes flicking up at him while he licked around his head.

"Ready?" Ichigo asked a little cluelessly, braindead because of his nerves and arousal.

"Yeah. Ta' do it," Renji clarified. Ichigo turned red and nodded uncertainly, rubbing at the back of his neck as he backed off from Renji's erection. "Hey, if you don't want to… Uh… we don't gotta'," Renji offered, but Ichigo just smiled, opening his yukata enticingly, getting Renji to pounce on him.

Ichigo enthusiastically returned his kiss, much more sure in his movements as he wrapped his legs around Renji's waist, holding his face to pull him closer to his own lips.

"Mm, oh," Ichigo mumbled as Renji licked at his neck, sucking and teasing with his teeth. Renji was probably going to leave a hickey, but he didn't give one single ounce of a damn.

Then Renji backed off, looking down at his prize, Kurosaki Ichigo who was coveted and admired by so many. He was splayed out so beautifully beneath him, and this brave man, Soul Society's hero, this wonderful young man was all for him. He was so good-looking like this, hair ruffled up even more than usual, clothes in a disarray, cheeks slightly flushed. The grumpy shyness and that virginal clumsiness was so appealing to Renji, turning him on so much that he could hardly deal with it.

He was one lucky bastard. "Okay, ya' ready?"

"Yes," Ichigo said, tight all over from anticipation and slight anxiety. Renji just got out a coin, and Ichigo relaxed a little in confusion. "Huh?"

"We flip this," Renji said adamantly, "to see who gets to be on the bottom. So I'll flip it, and if it's tails, you top, heads, I top, bla bla, okay?"

Ichigo nodded uncertainly. Of course, he got heads. "Uh... Ya' don't have to if ya' don't wanna', of course," he said in concern. Ichigo said it would be fine. "Lucky bastard," he mumbled, grinning at Ichigo as he moved back down to kiss him. "Ya' done this before?" He assumed that Ichigo was a virgin because of how skittish the poor guy was, but of course, he had no proof.

"No," Ichigo said.

"Okay, then don't worry, I'll be gentle," Renji assured, starting to take off Ichigo's clothes, pulling his hakama down, "I'll be so gentle, babe, don't look like that." Ichigo tried to smile, a little nervous, but eager to try this out. "It'll feel great, I promise."

Renji prepared him well, and as promised, it  _did_  feel great. At least the fingers did… Well, not right away, but Ichigo could tolerate it. Of course Renji's penis was bigger than his fingers, so it hurt,  _a lot_ , and Ichigo's eyes were pricking with tears as Renji pinned him to the bed. Fuck, it felt like he was being impaled. Was he bleeding? It wasn't supposed to hurt like this, was it?

"Ahh," he groaned in pain, gripping Renji's hands tightly as he lay on his stomach, Renji's powerful body hovering over him. Renji was kissing his shoulder, but it just hurt so badly that he couldn't even enjoy it, trying to get through the blinding pain that was pulsating through his whole body, radiating out with each heartbeat. Of course, he could take pain. After all, he'd been stabbed dozens of times, but that didn't mean he liked it. He'd never been hurt here before, and besides, being aroused made it more sensitive because of the increased blood flow.

"... Is it too much? Do you wanna' stop?" Renji asked in concern, sounding guilty.

"N-..." Ichigo panted, making an effort to relax, because Renji  _was_  being gentle and considerate, going very slowly to keep from hurting him. It still hurt a lot, because Ichigo had never had to consciously relax those muscles before. He knew it was probably his fault more than Renji's, so he tried to work through it to keep from making Renji feel bad. If he thought of it as a challenge, just another battle to get through, he could get through this. He tried to relax, and it was easier to do so when Renji stayed still. Whenever Renji moved, he couldn't help but clench up, unable to control it.

"No, keep going," he gasped, not willing to back out even if it was hurting so bad. He'd gotten this far. Renji moved again, uncertainly and with plain guilt. The sliding was easy despite Ichigo's tightness, because of the lubrication. Renji only withdrew about an inch, thrusting back in slowly, listening to Ichigo hiss in pain. "It's getting better, keep going," he said, gritting his teeth, assuring Renji that he could do this.

It did get better, the pain lessening as time rolled by, and he slowly relaxed around Renji's pulsating erection. Soon his muscles were just aching instead of hurting, prickling and tingling, and Ichigo told him to try for real. Renji gave an experimental thrust, and Ichigo grit his teeth through the pain; it was hurting again, and he could tell that Renji was about to quit and tell him 'no more'. He couldn't help but tighten up every time Renji withdrew, which was making the ache come back fullforce.

"It's not supposed to be this bad, Ichigo, I think we should stop," Renji said thoughtfully, pulling out, but Ichigo denied it, saying that he was fine and that they should keep going. Renji looked at him knowingly, understanding that Ichigo didn't want to give up even if it was difficult. There was that bull-headed pride again.

"Here, let's try another angle," Renji suggested, rolling Ichigo over onto his back, putting a pillow underneath him to hoist his butt in the air a little. "It'll feel better for ya' this way. It's a straighter shot, an' it goes with gravity this way. Just try an' relax, babe."

"I'm not yer' babe," Ichigo gasped as Renji entered him slowly, locked in a gaze. They kissed for a moment as Renji thrust in, and Ichigo consciously tried to relax, even though he would twitch now and then, involuntarily tightening up.

"How about now?" Renji asked, bottoming out, abdomen meeting Ichigo's thighs. Ichigo looked up, surprised that he'd done it so easily that time. Renji hadn't even made it all the way in before.

"Not so bad," Ichigo said, smiling a little. Renji grinned, grabbing his waist, pulling back a little and thrusting in again cautiously. It was still hurting, but this time it was more of a burn as the lubrication started running out. Renji seemed to notice the chafing too, pulling back to get some more. When Renji entered him again, that was when Ichigo felt it. At first it was hardly noticeable, but as Renji started thrusting slowly in an even rhythm, it started getting stronger and stronger, until it finally hit completely.

"Ohh… Oh, wow, what is that?" he asked breathlessly, gasping and shivering all over as Renji rolled his hips deep and slow, going so far inside of him that it sent tingles of pleasure through him like lightning. "Oh… yeah, don't stop," he begged, "… Nn… It's so deep," he said in awe, marveling at the feeling of having Renji be so connected to him, pleasure shooting up his spine.

"Ya' like it?" Renji asked, going a little harder, causing Ichigo to moan helplessly as the pleasure shot through him more with each thrust. The ache was completely worth it now, twinging annoyingly in the background, but not enough to distract him from the good feeling rushing deep within him. He hadn't known that it could feel so good inside there. He'd thought that it was just something that gay men sacrificed to help their partner feel good. He'd had no idea it could feel like this.

"Yeah, I like it," Ichigo said, sweating all over, legs wrapping around Renji's strong waist as he dipped down to kiss him. Ichigo's arms encircled Renji's neck and his powerful shoulders, kissing him back with fervor. There was red hair hanging down and tickling his cheeks, and he smiled a little, laughing when Renji bit him playfully.

It hurt every now and then still, but not enough for Ichigo to want to stop now. It felt so good to be like this; he'd had no idea that it could feel this way, and he  _loved it_. Renji thrust with more enthusiasm, causing Ichigo to make a noise against his lips with every little smacking noise. Just as Ichigo had twined his tongue with Renji's, the bigger man moved back with a grin, causing Ichigo's heart to beat erratically. Damn this fluttery feeling. The eye contact was sending tingles up his spine. Part of him was overwhelmed with a surge of affection for Renji. That smile of his looked beautiful all of a sudden.

"Here, hold your legs up." Renji pushed Ichigo's legs up for Ichigo to hold, leaning back so he could watch himself disappear inside of Ichigo over and over, tattoos swimming in and out of view with each thrust. "Oh, yeah, you look so good like that, Ichigo. Mmm," he moaned, leaning back in to kiss him again, taking him in his arms so he could thrust harder.

Ichigo lay there, moaning in enthusiasm, soon deciding to roll back onto his stomach, propping himself up on his knees. Renji spent a few minutes squeezing his butt appreciatively, slicking himself up again to make everything nice and slippery. He thrusted in again, going harder as he held Ichigo's hips still, looking down so he could watch their motions. Ichigo was moaning then through gritted teeth, giving him little words of encouragement as he squeezed the sheets hard.

Renji kissed up his back, asking Ichigo if it was okay for him to come inside of him.

"Okay," Ichigo gasped, pushing his hips back harder to get more friction, enjoying the rougher thrusts while he could. He tensed himself up, causing Renji to gasp and stagger, nearly falling down onto him as he moaned in pleasure. "Okay, but it's my turn next time."

"Deal," Renji agreed breathlessly, thrusting in hard and fast selfishly as his toes curled. He began to gasp, movements becoming choppy, and then he pinned Ichigo down, holding his hips tight to his, coming deep inside of him. "Oh… Ichigo…" he moaned, panting, scalp tingling.

"Oh… Oh, I can feel it," Ichigo said, face to the mattress, trying to describe the strange sensation of having warmth pumped into him. Renji thrust in and out a few more times slowly, relishing the feeling of the aftershocks, watching his cum start to seep out and coat his cock, trickling down Ichigo's leg.

Immediately after he pulled out, he grabbed Ichigo by the ankle and turned him over. He stuck his fingers deep inside of Ichigo, curling them teasingly as he leaned forward and took Ichigo's rosy erection into his mouth, shaking his head a little as he tried to go all the way down.

Ichigo moaned in shock as Renji's nose brushed against his stomach, and one would think he had nearly had a seizure from the way his eyelids fluttered when Renji hummed lowly. He bobbed his head and timed it with his other hand, squeezing tight at the base as he swirled upwards. Ichigo twitched, moaning as he held Renji's head with both hands, warning Renji that he was about to come. Renji did not pull away, letting him orgasm inside his mouth, nearly sending Ichigo into spasms when he swallowed around him.

He licked his lips voraciously, swallowing it all down even though it always made him feel a little sick to his stomach afterwards. Ichigo looked back at him, limp and stuck to the sheets. "Wow," Ichigo said, a little stunned as Renji crawled up to flop next to him, hot and tired.

Renji snuggled up to him, even though they were both sweaty, gross, and overheated. "Didn't know you liked snuggling," Ichigo teased.

"Shut up," Renji retorted, "I'm tryin' ta' sleep here." He closed his eyes again grumpily, holding Ichigo closer despite the teasing. Ichigo just played with his hair while he took a nap against his chest.

"Daisuki," Ichigo whispered.

"Tch'," Renji replied, "Who's bein' sentimental  _now?_ "

"Shut up, just say thank you. That took balls."

"I know it took b-"

"Shut your mouth!" Renji just laughed a little, biting Ichigo's ear.

"I'm kidding. Thank you... I just wanna' say that... I'm glad you changed your mind... I don't regret this, and... I like you too, Ichigo... You're stupid though."

Ichigo just scoffed, grinning to himself. Renji smiled and fell asleep, even though it was two in the afternoon. He'd thought his chances were shot to hell when he had walked in on Ichigo changing, but things had actually gone better than he'd ever imagined they would. Who knew.

Maybe that stupid mixup would lead to something nice, something that would make long hard battles worth it. Maybe they'd stay as lovers. Maybe Ichigo would let him be sweet on him. Maybe Ichigo's drink being spiked had been the universe telling him to get his rear in gear.

Renji guessed that had just been opportunity knocking.

* * *

_~Fin~_

* * *

"Hey guys, guess what! I totally got Ichigo to be my squeeze, and- Hey, where are you guys? Senpai?! Anyone home?"

"Oh, come on,  _again?_ "

"I think it's high time we invested in some quality locks, Ikkaku."

* * *

_~Fin, for real this time~_


End file.
